The First Child of Sundrip Journals (AOL Hometown hosting)

I’m angry with this man for dying. I didn’t even like his character on Law and Order, but when I found out today that he died I was so angry with him. I didn’t like his character at all, not even a little bit. But when I found out he was dead I think my heart didn’t grieve, I was pissed, I was angry enough to take a knife to my arms and cut until……to just cut. I don’t know. Maybe the anger is that 80 thousand people have died since Sunday and even though this man was not on my “favored” list, and he wasn’t in Asia, his death was close to home. I can’t tell you how angry I feel. Its 4am and I have to be at work at 2pm. I may or may not make it. I don’t know. But with “Lenny” dying I think I’m a bit out of sorts. There are 80 thousand people that I’ve never heard of that died across the world, across oceans and islands that I’ve never heard of. And while the death toll is disturbing at best, it was still unreal and distant. But I saw “Lenny” on TNT constantly. I commented again and again about how I hated his character. I actually saw the actor as “Lenny” and didn’t like the actor either. I don’t even know his real name. Somehow I feel betrayed, like, “you could have told me you were sick”. How? How would he have done that? He didn’t know me anymore than I knew him. Today I found out that he was in one of my favorite Disney movies, Beauty and The Beast. He was the candlestick guy. He was also in 65 movies in his 40-year career. He was in the first Dirty Dancing. I didn’t remember that either. Right now there is an emergency vehicle racing by with the siren on. I think I hate that sound. It makes me angry. It makes me feel hopeless and like I want this world to end more than anything. I may go with it, but I want it to end so badly. I’m tired of people dying. I’m tired of people being sick and depressed and hungry and …….scared. I just want the Promised Land. I just want to Paradise. I just want this to be over.

Austin, the sun will be up in 5,4,3,2,1 hour.

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