The People Behind My Eyes (AOL Version)

I slept so well last night but I fear the bed tonight. I'm back to my same old self, worrying and anxiously putting off sleep. It's been this way for the last few days.

When the therapist had to leave I thought I would lose my mind. I lost so much time and did things I didnt realize I'd done. I started to deny having done these things but there was no one here to do them but me(s). The days seemed extra long but had chunks of time that were simply not there. It scared me badly. I didnt know what I was doing from one minute to the next. I would find myself walking back and forth through the house aimlessly, like I wasn't sure where I was. There was always someone in the back of my head trying to get a grip on things. We never did, we just stayed wandering and fearful of what we'd done in that lost time. It's been years upon years since we did things we didnt remember doing. Also, we couldnt think of every day words. We didnt respond to our name and we expected the landlord to call us by our birth name. We feared that the most. He couldnt know that name so we knew it was an unreasonable fear but it was still present as if it had merit. that scared us too. We stopped eating to the point that the sheriff came over and told us we had to eat something. he said if we didnt eat he wouldnt. we told him that Gondhi tried that and you see what that got him. He laughed. We went to Denny's and had tolapia. I love that stuff.

Of course that has been Dw* drama. We accidently locked ourselves out of the house. He was helping us move a chair when we locked ourselves out. He just put the chair on the lawn and said good luck and that he hoped the landlord would get home soon to let us in. he left us here around 11 AM. It started to rain at 5:30PM so my neighbor called to us and told us to come in to his house and get out of the rain. We went in and played darts and watched TV. It was pretty cool. By 8pm we decided to call Dw* and tell him to get his Georgian ass back to our house and pick us up. We told him to buy us a sandwhich and some squares and to come and get us. he did. He did because he's a pussy and he never says no to anyone for any reason! We got Micky D's and a pack of menthol squares just like we told him we wanted! When I finally got back in the house, which was about 9:30PM he asked me if I was going to still cook him dinner the next day. i was like....WHAT??? The next day was my birthday and he wanted me to cook him dinner for my birthday. Yeah, right! That same day was the day my pc guy was to come. They both arrived at the same time that day. Georgia boy (Dw*) was surprised that i wasn't cooking but also wanted to know who the hell this other guy was at my house. I escorted him right out the door and right back into his hillbilly red truck. He was pissed but I care not!

Arggh... it's been a long day. It's been an up and down day. I think I may be ready to retire soon.

Austin, me or someone like me

UPDATE: it's 8:39 AM I've yet to go to sleep. I swear I'm heading in now.  

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