The People Behind My Eyes (AOL Version)

Maureen's Responsibilities:  The Buffer

Maureen handles all of the heavy feelings that the rest of the group can’t handle. They give them to her to hold so that the rest of the group can function. This strategy has proven to be unsuccessful. Maureen became inactive for a significant period of time due to single handedly holding the systems heaviest emotions.

I can’t stress enough how tired she is and how muchpain she is in all of the time.  Her life is probably the one that I feel sorry for the most. And never once has Maureen complained about the job she has. But I am doing it for her.

 Austin of Morton's Pride  

on the subject of different alters used for functioning:

my comments: I wonder sometimes if it's a good idea for there to be some that handle functioning and others thatdon't. That'swhat we do butsometimes I wonder how well it serves us. I think it encourages dissociating. It also means that our memory is more fragmented than integrated. Our friendships are different. We have to make sure that the "front runner" is out or we don't make it to the store, to doc apt or anywhere else for that matter. We struggle to remember who people are when the funtioning ones are not present or are not completely out. The difference in us are more obvious since the jobs are split up so distinctly. It's how we function but it certainly has it's flaws.  

It was said that DID's commit suicide more than other psych patients:

my comments: I dont know if it is or not but I can see how hopelessness can seep in and strangle out a persons ability to see other ways of ending pain. I'm a heart patient because of a failed overdose. In 2003 or 2002 ( can't remember) I took 6000 mg of a muscle relaxer. My intent was to shut down my respiratory system. I successfully damaged my heart beyond repair. I'm a heart patient now. I somehow survived a pulminary embulism that went to my heart and my lungs. People dont live through stuff like that the majority of the time. I did...somehow...am I greatful for that???? sometimes. today I am... tomorrow I may not be...but tomorrow isn't here yet.   FYI - Overdoses, even with whiskey is not enough to kill you. it just makes you a heart patient. 6000 mg of a muscle relaxer, various psych medsand a bunch of cheap whiskey wont kill you. it'll just destroy your heart. I've tried so many times to do it this way and it DOES NOT WORK. so dont evenwaste your time guys. Dont kill yourself at all but certainly dont waste your time trying with an overdose. After 15 attempts with overdose mixes, I can truthfully say that OVERDOSES DO NOT WORK. They get you hospitalized. They add to self esteem issues. Each attempt makes the next one easier to do. failed attempts turn into practice for the next attempt. the scares from it are more than physical and only add to an already complicated emotional existance.   I know how hard this life is. Sometimes I just dont want to be alive...actually, a lot I dont want to be alive. Maybe it's not that I dont want to be alive, it's that i don't want to hurt at this level. When I do, I have to remember that I have many times when things are good. those times are not in the distant past and as long as I breath those much needed times will come.