The People Behind My Eyes (AOL Version)

I feel so bad... and stupid...man. I dont know what I said but it was bad enough to get blocked. I feel like shit. I would cry but I'm too friggin angry with myself. I know I go really fast sometimes. My head goes 100 miles per hour and I dont list to Jacquelyn tell me to slow down. Evendently I went too fast and said too much cause I'm certainly blocked now. I feel so bad. I just feel so bad. It's one of those, "here we go again" things. Morton's Pride doesn't have the best name on the net anyway. sometimes it's because we dont take people's bullshit and they think we should. they say we should give more room for other people's "mistakes" because we're further along in therapy. That got old and we spoke up for ourselves many times. there are DID egroups we can't go back to... well, one we can't go back to and a few we'd never join again. I just have that, "here we go again feeling." Its hard because I haven't identified what it is that makes this happen. it's the same feeling with my mother when i didnt know why i upset her so much. i knew there was something i was doing but wasn't sure what it was. i found out it was her. she was just a cruel woman. this situation is only similar in that i dont know what i did to upset this person. maybe i didnt upset her. maybe i overwhelmed her with comments. i dont know. I called it support. She seemed so upset and things. I hadn't commented in over 2 weeks cause my PC was down.

I'm not going to try and figure it out right now. it's 6AM. i'm going to eat something and go to bed.

Me, (or someone like me)

                                                   UPDATE

LOOKS AS IF AOL HOMETOWN HAS FUCKED UP AGAIN!! These people make me so angry. I spent the whole night thinking I'd done something wrong when AOL Hometown errors were the reason that I couldnt leave a message on her site. I sent her an email and left a comment on her page after i read her entry about the fault belonging to AOL. I am relieved to know that she didnt block me.

The comment I left in her journal today explained the irritation with AOL. This is the comment I left on her journal today along with the link to her entry:

http://journals.aol.com/jewlgems4victory/MultipleReflections/entries/1743

AOL SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS.

Hi ..
girl I was like, what on earth did I say??? Sheshh... I give a sigh of relief because I thought for sure you were upset with me for something. Right now I'm giggling but last night I was all devistated cause I was like, what on earth did I say???
If this goes through I want the world to know that AOL errors on Hometown are the very reason I'm searching for a new blog host. Dang, when AOL starts depressing me then the search for a new blog host will intensify. yall, I'm so happy you didnt block us. I am very happy to know this was AOL. If this doesn't get through I'm sending it privately. If you'd like you can post it on your journal letting cyber space know that AOL Hometown SUCKS and that we are cool and everything. I know this is just all you needed to wake up to. It was all I needed to go to bed to. This is just crazy making. AOL Hometown needs to leave town!
until again,
Austin
_________________

I don't know why I still feel sad. I dont feel upset with the friend at all. I don't think she caused this and I hold no ill will towards her. I think I'm sad about the situation. I think I'm sad that something as stupid as an AOL error brought back so many old "bad girl" issues. I dont want to touch this right now.

Me

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