Inane thoughts and insane ramblings

1:42:52 PM EST
Feeling Quiet

I have to agree with Cohen on this one. When you see someone achieve in a given field, such as sports or science, it isn't just talent. A lot of it had to do with their focus, drive, and motivation, all of which are fruits of attention.

Unfortunately, I don't always pay attention to where I'm "spending" my attention. At least, not in all areas of my life. So I wanted to think about why is that and what are some ways I can get around it.

One of the biggest culprits would be that pesky volitional consciousness, the ability unique to humans that allows us the ability to choose whether or not to think about something. We all go through phases of just going through the motions, putting our mind and lives on autopilot for a while. But when I do that, my attention is being spent randomly at whatever comes along and amuses me. Or a better analogy to stick with Cohen's money reference - When I do that, it's like leaving my wallet on a park bench, allowing whoever to take how much money they feel like.

Another reason that I and many others don't track our attention like we do our money is the perception that it is an endless resource. We track our money because in most of our situations, it is certainly a limited resource. But attention is limited too. I only have 18 waking hours of attention to "pay" each day. I only have so many days left in my lifetime. I only have so much time before windows of opportunity close and become portraits of opportunity lost or memorabilia of regret.

So what are some ways I can refocus those energies spent through attention?

First is the realization that it IS a precious limited resource. That way I will budget my time like I do my money. And an important element of that is being willing to say, "NO! I can't afford that." I need to say no to activities that waste my attention. No to people that drain my time and energy without giving back.

A second way is keeping a journal that I write in everyday. I noticed that Judy over at Talking To Myself was recently doing an exercise "Ten Things I did Today" in her blog. I think that would be a great exercise for me to do in my journal. It is like a checkbook register for tracking how I spend my attention. What I write about is what is on my mind, so obviously it is that to which I have been paying attention. I'm going to try that for the next two weeks just to see how it goes. What will be interesting is whether or not the things I am paying attention to matches the things that I profess are important to me.

In conclusion, I personally need to pay more attention to what I pay attention to. That's not a resolution for the new year....just an observation.

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10:41:33 AM EST
Feeling Happy

We are having dinner at my in-laws tomorrow, so I am cooking our big family meal for tonight.  So far the menu is shaping up as follows.

Appetizer:  Bacon Horseradish Stuffed Mushrooms

Soup:  Beer Cheese Soup

Salad:  ??

Main Course:  Prime rib - seasoned with a special beef rub and pepper, indirect grilled with oak and lump coals.  Served with an au jus sauce and probably a horseradish sauce as well.

Sides:  Parmesan Roasted Asparagus, Honey Glazed Carrots, and probably some garlic mashed potatoes.

Dessert: Alexis' favorite, Creme Brulee

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3:13:06 PM EST
Feeling Happy
Hearing UNC v Ky Basketball game

I’m too distracted by watching the UNC vs.Kentucky basketball game to actually write an entry so I’ll just  repost some random thoughts from my journal this week.

 

[Excerpt from 11/29/07 after having seen a Mercedes and Lexus Christmas commercials]

I love the rash of Christmas commercials where it is implied you should give your loved one a Mercedes, A Lexus or diamonds as a gift this year.  I know that there are people out there who can afford to do that and that they are no happier than the rest of us.    But the constant bombardment of marketing puts pressure on people to feel the need to splurge on others. 

 

People go into debt to credit card companies to pay an illusionary debt to loved ones.  The problem is that the debt portrayed in the companies is imaginary and any REAL debt that is owed (love, friendship, etc) is only payable in a currency other than materialism.

 

[Excerpt from 11/27/07 after listing to Bring Me To Life by Evanesence]

Sometimes we expect others to do more for us than we are willing to do for ourselves.  Sometimes we allow others to do more to us than we would let our closest loved ones to get away with.  Sometimes we let those closest do to us that which we’d never expect from our enemies.

 

[Excerpt from 11/29/07 in reference to a motivational book I was reading.]

But like a blind squirrel, he does find a nut every now and then like the suggestion to keep a journal in which you record all of the things your are grateful for, each day.  A list of your appreciations for the day.  I should probably do that right now to help my attitude.  But my attitude makes me say that I don’t feel like it….bite me.  Good suggestion though.

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1:47:12 PM EST
Hearing Paul McCartney:  Long & Winding Road

This is a picture that I took on Thanksgiving on top of Wayah Bald in the Smokey Mountains.  This is part of the Appalachian Trail and leads to the Byrne Fire Tower.  I didn't think much of it when I took this picture but looking at it this morning, I couldn't help but see it metaphorically.

I saw this path winding into the fog as representing my life, in a way.  The past is behind me and fading more into the fog with each step I take. I have my path laid out in front of me and while the immediate future has general direction, further out the path is uncertain.  But I am able to see the next 50 feet or so.....the here and now.  And that's how I will navigate that uncertain foggy future, 50 feet at a time.

This picture also reminded me of the song The Long And Winding Road by Paul McCartney so I downloaded it to play.  Hmmmm the music and title were fitting but the lyrics were 'only' about a relationship and not the bigger scheme of things in life.  Ok....so I'll go with "there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on".

It's funny how something as simple as a picture that didn't really mean anything can stir thoughts. 

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10:18:34 AM EST
Feeling Quiet

The door creaks as it swings open wide and the draft disturbs some dust and cobwebs.  The place smells a little musty to me.  I look around and find a few fond memories that I haven't thought about in years.  Thoughts of "I remember when...." float by like leaves falling in the wind.

 

That is what opening this old AOL journal was like this morning.  The old saying "You can't go home again" comes to mind.  Just looking at my "about me" section causes me to think about what has changed since I first started "blogging".  I am now 40.  Two of my three kids are now adults (Brett is 19 today).  I am 7 years removed from surfing.  I don't cycle as much anymore but I am doing karate and jiu-jitsu alot.  But there are also emotional changes and differences of growth, some for the better and some just were.

It's weird, I don't know what I expected to find here but what I ended up doing was comparing myself to the guy who wrote this blog.   I was just going to 'look around' but ended up with a lot of unexpected thoughts.

Maybe I'll clean up the place a while..... 

 

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3:42:13 PM EST
Feeling Happy
Hearing ACC Basketball tourney

Reposted from my blog

Out-written by Someone Who Believes in the Tooth Fairy
I have been humbled as a writer. Humbled by my 7 year old son who wrote a love poem to a girl in his first grade class. She was his girlfriend for only one day before breaking up with him. He did this to win her back. He had absolutely no help from me, I was downstairs cooking.

Sofa was abandoned, in need of medical care, at the horse farm a few years ago by someone. The horse farm is staffed with a veterinarian and vet students from University of Tennessee. They treated her fatty tumors and gave her a permanent place to live. But she obviously misses a family environment.

Every time that we smoke meat or cook out, guess who shows up! Her favorite is the bone from pork butts. She is the sweetest old dog and loves our family. When she comes, she will spend the night protecting our home and then leave in the morning. If someone approaches, she treats it like her home and announces their presence by barking. On cold nights, she will spend the night in Brett’s room but always wants to leave before the sun comes up. It is like she has to be back at the horse farm before anyone notices her missing.

The Arrogance of Expertise
I’ve noticed a trend in several different arenas. In any given area of specialization, be it cycling, firearms, cooking, or hell, probably even needle point, once a person deems themselves to have become an “expert”, he/she often assumes a position of arrogance.

Go read any topic specific newsgroup. Look at the comments in a themed blog. Often, the “experts” treat newcomers, novices, or anyone with a differing opinion with disdain. Apparently some experts forget that they were once a novice. Many veterans forget they were once a rookie. Some "experts" are so infallible that anyone who disagrees with them MUST be an imbecile.

A newbie posts a question or says something that is not “in form” with the social mores of the group and they are “flamed”. It’s one thing when a spammer or troll posts in a non-commercial environment, sure they should be flamed with the heat of a million suns. But when a person asks a question in good faith, I can answer or point out the error of their ways without disrespecting them.

It is amazing, to me, that someone would respond “You are such a dumbass, because…” in an online environment when they would never do so in a face to face exchange. But I can think of two reasons why.

One, they WOULD respond like that in a face to face interchange because they are socially inept and have poor interpersonal communication skills. Sure hey may be an expert in South East Asian basket weaving, but don’t know much about personal hygiene, romantic relationships, or having a personality. So they might be able to tell you everything about doing a double backhanded hook bamboo weave, but you wouldn’t want to spend 10 minutes with them in real life.

Another possibility is that they are so insecure, the only power they have in their life is to paint themselves as an “expert” online and demean others. They never learned that you can’t lift yourself up by tearing others down when they were kids. They value only their false self-image.

Branden speaks to this when he addresses “pseudo self esteem”:
Instead of striving for the power of competence (the ability to achieve genuine values), we may pursue the “power” of manipulating or controlling other people (Six Pillars of Self Esteem 52).

Patterson et al refers to this as the “violence” part of the tendency to resort to “silence or violence”:
Violence consists of any verbal strategy that attempts to convince, control, or compel others to your point of view….the three most common forms are Controlling, Labeling, and Attacking (Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High 53-54).

But all the psychobabble aside, I think we all recognize it for what it is…..a bully on the playground.

So am I trying to sway the bullies from bullying? No, if your mom and dad couldn’t teach you not to be an asshole (oops…..labeling), I doubt I will have much success.

But if you feel that you are being slammed or flamed by someone online you have choices.
1-You can get all offended by it and try to escalate with a counterattack. This is a good option if your end goal is to end up saying, “Your momma is so fat……” but like they say, never wrestle with a pig….you’ll both get dirty but the pig will like it.
2-You can try reasoning with the person. But like they say, never argue with an idiot….they drag you down to your level and then beat you with experience.
3-You can be accepting and a realist. Accept that they are a self-important asshole (damn….there goes that labeling again), realize that they won’t change, and just move on.

So if none of you comment…..I guess I have done my part and you took option #3

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9:16:07 AM EDT
Feeling Happy

At karate this week, all of the adults in the XMA (Extreme Martial Arts) class were popping and cracking as we stretched out at the beginning of class.  I said that in our case, XMA stood for Extremely Mature & Arthritic, cracking everyone up.  So I made this logo and am going to iron it on some T-shirts as a joke for them.

I have posted a New Entry at my other blog.

Have a great weekend everyone!

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9:35:05 PM EST
Feeling Worried Bean bag chairs and hugs
It is 3:15 in the morning and Alexis and I have just spent the last 2 hours laying together in a bean bag chair listening to love songs. Some traditional, some otherwise, including Courtney Love, The Cure, Sting, Let’s Active, Kenny Rogers, Bela Fleck, and Dolly Parton.

The house was still except for the jumping long shadows cast by the flickering candles. The smell of her hair, Christmas, and the candles combined in a comforting smell of "home". Our intertwined hands were dripping with shadows. Looking around I see the fruits of our hard work in 2005, the wood floors, the décor, and the furniture.

I remember having an overwhelming sense of love for Alexis and the protection of home. There was an immense feeling of sharing with out words being spoken. Her head on my chest and hand on my abdomen spoke volumes.

The tick ticking of the clock told me that time was moving but love and contentment created the illusion of time standing still. It was one of those rapturous moments where only that instant mattered. Yesterday was only a memory and the stress of tomorrow can just wait…..for tomorrow.

I could not have picked a more perfect person to be my love. She’s not perfect….just perfect for me. That leaves me with a high standard to live up to for her because I want to be "just perfect for her".


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9:33:32 PM EST
Feeling Worried   Brain Massage
I went to the ORSSAB (can you pick me out of the group picture?) monthly meeting tonight. I volunteer on this congressionally chartered advisory board to keep up in my degreed field. The ride home is a 30 minute drive through a valley in the dark of night. I have noticed that this ride is always a time of reflection for me. I think that is because I am usually multitasking between work, family and other things and my thoughts play like a tv show playing in the background.

But in this meeting, for three hours, my brain is focused on absorbing, comprehending, and analyzing technical information regarding the environmental clean up of the legacy nuclear waste left over from the nation’s weapons programs.

So the ride home is a kind of decompression for my brain. It is like when you are having a muscle spasm massaged and kneaded. It hurts but as soon as they stop, the muscle can relax and return to it’s normal relaxed state so it can function.

Grin and Bear It
I used to cycle 2,000 to 3,000 miles a year….for fun. The two toughest and most grueling parts of a hard bike ride are headwinds and climbs (hills and mountains). I road with a regular group of cyclists (but by no means were they a group of regular cyclists).

When we would hit the base of a climb, I would hear the click click clicking of everyone shifting down to their lower gears. I quickly go from an aerobic activity to anaerobic, which means my muscles aren’t able to remove the toxic byproducts effectively anymore. My quadriceps and calves feel the burn of lactic acid, which will bring on the cramps.

There was this girl in our group named Monica. I noticed that as she strained and struggled like the rest of us, that she grinned a silly grin. I told her that she must be a natural climber and like hills. She told me that no, she hated them. That was just her unique way of dealing with it. Another cyclist always repeated the Lord’s Prayer to herself over and over again. Me? I had a mantra….it went something like this.

"#*(#....why am I doing this? This sucks #@$. When I get done with this, I’m never getting on this *$(#()#))@ bike again!"

But you know what? At this point on the climb, we were all in the same situation. At that moment, there was no more training you could do or equipment you could modify to make yourself perform better. You were stuck with what you had. We just had different ways of dealing with it.

I thought about how this applies to life. When you are in a situation in life, it is too late for anymore "training" (learning). No self help books, no personal life coaches, no seminars can help you…you are stuck with what you have. You can’t control the steepness of the hill. You can’t change your equipment right then. The only thing you can control is your attitude. You can control your mental reaction to your situation. So the next time I am in a tough situation, will I say "this sucks" or will I grin a silly grin?

Is your check engine light on?
My "check engine" light came on today even though this truck seems to be running fine. I comforted myself by saying it must be a preprogrammed mileage click to get me into the dealership’s service department or just a defective sensor somewhere. Nothing to worry about.

Why is it that everything in my physical practical world becomes a metaphor or simile to what goes on in my head? Oh well….here it goes:

Is your "check engine" light on? Is there a "red alert" in your life to which you should be paying attention? Perhaps you have rationalized away that signal telling you something is wrong. Are you willing to let your life go on in "cruise control" until your transmission falls out onto the highway hurting not only you but also your fellow commuters? Maybe it is time to take yourself into the "dealership" and deal with that check engine light.


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9:32:23 PM EST
Feeling Happy Fortune Cookies
Have you and your friends ever finished a meal at a Chinese restaurant and then someone suggests that everyone read their fortune cookie saying, finishing it with the phrase "in bed"?

We used to do that when a group of us went to lunch at a Chinese place at our old job and it was a lot of laughs. Today Alexis and I took the boys to Mandarin House Chinese Buffet for lunch today and here were mine and Alexis' fortunes (we did not add the "in bed" in front of them tyvm)

Mine: Ignorance is not innocence but a lack of effort.....in bed.

Alexis': Friendship--one soul in two bodies......in bed.

Actually I love both of those (sans the bed comment but it was funny). I do believe that there are times when ignorance is NOT a lack of effort. But there are many times when ignorance is intentional. You don't want to think about something so you don't and then when it blows up in your face, you proclaim "I didn't know!"

Then the friendship thing, I do thing that you can become so close to someone that you share a soul but you still have to maintain seperate identities.

Pay it Forward
I read a very touching entry on a blog today from one of my newest favorite bloggers & fellow Tennessean. Galen has challenged us all. This is NOT a meme where you do something as she suggests and then comment about what you did in her journal or yours. Just do it and let it be a gift to yourself. But please comment to let her know you stopped by and check out her blog from time to time.

Toilet Paper
Charmin Ultra has a commercial trying to demonstrate that it only takes three sheets of it compared to four of the competitor's brand. They stack up 3 of their sheets and 4 of the competitor's and spray them with liquid to see if there is a "bleed through".

My first thought was isn't there more to toilet paper than absorbency? Doesn't sheer "square footage" come into play regardless of absorbency? Picking a toilet paper based on absorbency alone is like picking a man just because he brings home a good paycheck. What if he isn't loving? Maybe he is a selfish lover. What if he isn't quilty soft? Wait....I am back to toilet paper again.

Prioritization
One of the reasons I feel like I have grown so much was picking up little tips here and there. Zig Ziegler says that if the only tool in your tool belt is a hammer, you'll approach every problem as if itwere a nail. Here is a # 2 phillips screwdriver for your toolbelt. It is a tool for prioritizing tasks called "paired comparison". While most people just go by a gut feel for prioritizing tasks, this simple technique makes it more objective.

First make of list of the tasks that you have to do (see the following simple example). Then compare item 1 and 2 and put a tic mark next to the one that is most important. Then compare items 1 and 3, 1 and 4. Next, compare 2 to 3 and 2 to 4. Then, compare 3 to 4. When you are done, the tasks with more tics should be your priorities.







This is a simple technique. There are more complex tools that take deadlines and length of time into play, but this one has been pretty effective for me.

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