Inane thoughts and insane ramblings

Silences show up in the beginning of a relationship. You find yourself nervous to ask her out and fall quiet or sit in silence wondering if he is going to ask you out. Then on those first dates, awkward silence inevitably creeps its way into your night. You want to impress but you don’t know what to say. Silence also manifests itself when you are caught up in the moment and are basking in the glow of happiness, when you realize that neither of you is saying anything.

As a romantic relationship evolves and matures, silence can be an incredible thing. This weekend, Alexis and I took a ride to Cumberland Gap in Virginia just to spend some time alone together. During much of the 4-hour round trip, we didn’t say a word. We just held hands or had our hands on each other’s leg and absorbed the scenery. But what we shared during those quiet times was an immense love. No words had to be spoken. Words were inadequate to express how we felt in those moments. It was like the wind. You can’t see it, you just see its effects. Likewise, we couldn’t "speak" our love, we just felt its effects. Some time a gentle touch conveys more than any conversation ever could.

Unfortunately, all silences aren’t so wonderful. Sometimes couples sink into silence when they don’t see eye to eye. What’s worse about this silence is that it is totally unproductive, punitive, and accomplishes nothing at all. Think about the last time that you gave someone the cold shoulder. Did it advance your cause? Did it change anything for the better? Instead of a rational discussion, you are choosing pride over love. That silence is cold and distant. Isolation. Desolation. Pointless. Is that what you want?

Finally, there is the silence that I dread. The silence found in the death of a relationship. While this could be through death, physical separation, or divorce, the one I worry about is death because I know it will eventually happen, unless we die together. Even after the acute grief has passed, the longing sets in. Longing to have one more conversation, take one more walk, and see one more sunrise. The horrible thing about those missed discussions and those wonderful periods of silence that I wrote about earlier is that this silence is forever. It last from when it starts until your last breath.

I can’t do anything about the silence from death. But I can enjoy every single moment I experience with Alexis. I can savor each opportunity. I can avoid those fighting silences by being mature and choosing love over "being right". I am a lucky, lucky man.