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4:36:00 PM EDT
Feeling Worried
Talking to yourself
"Talking to yourself again?" jokes a co-worker as she walks by your work station, hearing you muttering something to yourself.
"Yeah," you quip back, "but don’t call the mental health institute until I start answering myself."
We may kid about it, but I think we all talk to ourselves daily. Isn’t that all contemplation is - having a conversation with yourself? It reminds me of the cinematic classic of a character with his "angel" self on one shoulder and his "devil" self on the other shoulder, both trying to persuade a course of action. I’m no psychologist nor do I play one on talk radio, but I have come to the conclusion that the measure of a person’s mental health is reflected in the conversations that he/she have with him/herself.
In Crucial Confrontations and Crucial Conversations, Patterson et al do an impressive job in teaching how to improve your life by learning skills of how to handle important conversations. In one chapter, they discuss the concept that when there is a confrontation or conversation to be had, that you have two choices….you can "talk it out or act it out".
- Talking it out is healthy and consists of a candid, robust conversation in which the involved people get to openly contribute to the "shared pool of meaning".
- Acting it out is dysfunctional and it is when one or more individuals sink into "silence" or "violence.
- Silence is withholding ideas from the shared pool of meaning by masking, avoiding or withdrawing.
- Violence is attempting to force ideas into the shared pool through tactics of controlling, labeling, or attacking.
As many of you know, I have been running parallel projects in my life of implementing the "Crucial" techniques in my life at the same time that I have been trying to live more consciously through practices of Branden’s Six Pillars of Self Esteem. As I have read these books, analyzed my tendencies, and have begun to make changes, I have realized many correlations. While the Patterson group may be using the "talk it out or act it out" concept to gauge how functional a conversation/confrontation is, I think that people use the same dysfunctional silence/violence tactics on themselves when living unconsciously. I summarize examples of how I think this could apply in table 1.
You can see from these examples that if a person uses the "silence & violence" tactics in their conversations with themselves, then they are living unconsciously and undermining their self esteem with each conversation.
I know that I write about these books an awful lot, but it has been personally amazing to me of how much of an impact they have had so far on my life and I have not even mastered the principles. I would consider myself a "white belt" in the concepts presented. But each little piece that I implement produces great results. I would recommend these books to anyone wanting to improve their lives. And no…..I don’t work for any publishing companies, book stores, or such.
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" It reminds me of the cinematic classic of a character with his "angel" self on one shoulder and his "devil" self on the other shoulder, both trying to persuade a course of action."
Dude. Do you know how hard it is to keep a halo on your head, when horns keep knocking it off? One day, I will be found muttering to myself, "I lost my halo! I can't find it. Chances are, it's probably next to the remote!"
On a serious note, sometimes I debate with myself. I don't know what that means.
Ari -
You are always so profound. We are all on a journey to better ourselves. I love self-help books and inspirational books, as I need all the help I can get. There is still great room for improvement here and I know it. Thanks for sharing.
Blessings!~
Susan
http://journals.aol.com/rjet33/CountryLivingSouthernStyle -
I talk things out with myself ALL THE TIME! When I have a problem with someone at work, or at home, and they aren't available to "discuss" it with, than I pretend they are in front of me, and I let them have it. Most times.. I get it out of my system enough to be more reasonable when I finally am able to discuss it with said party.
I agree that healthy people do talk to themselves. It's creative, it's therapeutic, and it's a darn good way to relieve stress!
Jackie
http://journals.aol.com/siennastarr/Waitingtoexhale/ -
"but don’t call the mental health institute until I start answering myself."
LOL!!!
OMG!!! I talk to myself a lot!
take care,
Gem :-)
10/4/05 2:23 AM