Welcome to Theresa's Journal

 For the month of July, my book club is reading Henry James' "The Golden Bowl."  I am glad to be acquainted with the frequently heard-of grand novelist. As I open the crisp cover of the book on my desk, I am filled with a sense of expectation and urgency, because I would like to learn the lesson this book is to give me. It is a funny way to view a work of fiction, I know, to expect to generate a life lesson from its reading. But besides the lessons in prose and organization of ideas and plot, I believe a great work of fiction could present one an invaluable insight into the human life, ones that other routes might not be able to provide.

Before, itwas only for completing school assignments that classic works of fiction were read. I had wanted to be an essayist/writer, back when I was a middle school student in South Korea, and I had done well regarding that among my peers, wining awards in intraschool writing competitions. So I had dreamt about becoming a writer. Now, I realize that did not have the knowledge of what sort of engagement such an occupation would require. I'm still far from the knowledge of the ingredients in a great work of writing, though I think it somehow includes the writer's incredible knowledge of the human life and social situations. I think that as an artist imbues his art with his insight gained by his soul, and thus hands down his knowledge and insight to the viewer of his art, so does a fiction writer. It is a unique work that shows a writer's sense of organization of the facts, insights, and truths of life; it is a painting of the world he creates through the artistic, transendental interpretation of facets of life. Whether the work of fiction depicts the experience of a person, or a situation shared by a group of people, it holds a truth because life is an interpersonal reality. At the same time, too, it includes a truth about the writer himself as well, because it is his art, his work; it's got his signature in it.

Before, I heard about the blockbuster comedic movie starring Will Ferrel, about a New York businessman realizing by accident that his life was being narrated by a well known novelist somewhere, at the end of whose plot he as the protagonist was to be killed off. So the businessman set off to find the writer in order to beg her not to finish him off in the novel. When I heard about the movie, I thought it a strange albeit interesting metaphysical piece, but for which no similar situation would exist in real life. Now I feel a bit differently; one of the ways the dimension of understanding a great novelist holds in his mind could be seen realistically is when an actual person finds his entire life pictured in a novel, eloquently testified in a very real way; his truths, his own thoughts; the enormousness of situations as he experiences them; the realness of persons he meets, the realness of decisions they and he make; the ensuing interaction and following events which, in the end, comprise his life. Even when the reader does not find himself in one of the participants of the plot, much insights are to be gained in the motivation, actions and choices of the persons in the novel that are finely drawn based on the persons who shared the world at the time of the novel. Those persons are the ones who live in his world now, the same persons that occupy his life. Experience gained in a great novel, in this way, is a vicarious adventure in the best sense. Also, to boot, such work of novel also makes a statement about different levels of existence; clearly, the writer and his protagonist hold vastly different roles, the writer understanding the character very thoroughly so much so that he could devise the many different situations to which his character's inclinations lead himself---and have them be correct, right, realistic too. So, it'd be like, hello, my life! when one reads about himself in the "great novel."

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...

"You spoke of Tao the other day," said Kitty, after a pause. "Tell me what it is."

Waddington gave her a little look, hesitated an instant, and then with a faint smile on his comic face answered:

"It is the Way and the Waygoer. It is the eternal road along which walk all beings, but no being made it, for itslef is being. It is everything and nothing. From it all things spring, all things conform to it, and to it at last all things return. It is a square without angles, a sound which ears cannot hear, and an image without form. It is a vast net and though its meshes are as wide as the sea it lets nothing through. It is the sanctuary where all things find refuge. It is nowhere, but without looking out of the window you may see it. Desire not to desire, it teaches, and leave all things to take their course. He that humbles himself shall be preserved entire. He that bends shall be made straight. Failure is the foundation of success and success is the lurking-palce of failure; but who can tell when the turning point will come? He who strives after tenderness can become even as a little child. Gentleness brings victory to him who attacks and safety to him who defends. Mighty is he who conquers himself."

"Does it mean anything?"

"Sometimes, when I've had half a dozen whiskies and look at the stars, I think perhaps it does."

.....

from "The Painted Veil" by Sommerset Maugham

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This morning I found that the New York Times has an article about a neurologist's autobiographical journey to a "state of nirvana." The way to nirvana?  Apparently, a stroke, in your brain gets you there. While I get ready for a long, sigh-ridden day, I'd start it with one of my all time favorite songs. The Killers - Mr. Brightside. It's not known to fail me.

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 Humans are free, but some facets of our lives are determined. I realize a duality is a quality that describe many things in life. Wildly cliched/simplistic, it's true, but many things could be described, at least at first glance, as being of masculinity and femininity, bright and dark, positive and negative would describe for one the initial look of any complex situation, mysteries in life, such as love, life, personality, development. This also applies to human endeavors; whatever new venture, a joyful beginning of a relationship, a project, they always include a potential for failure as well as for great fulfilment. Humans do have a choice, but not in determining the quality of adventures they encounter, but in making decisions that guide their action. In how to make use of the opportunities. In my life right now I strongly feel this. I am trying to be diplomatic, with events and life's uncertainties and blah, as I review my own long term plans.

Here's another example of such a duality. With age comes "wisdom." There is a hint of irony, too, because the wisdom they talk about in this article is mostly applied to the faculties of learning in one's brain.  

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The Vatican supposedly says that it is okay to believe in extraterrestials. John Scalzi introdues the news in Whatever » An Easy Choice Considering How Much He Looks Like Emperor Palpatine Time sure flows.

This cartoon is a funny welcoming greeting...I like it!

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 I visited Borders yesterday and read up on a 30 lessons from life, written by a white bearded medical doctor in his 60's' in a big general hospital. You'd think, look, here's a doctor, whethered through life and experience, not to mention wisdom gleaned in profession. Let's hear what he has to say. I am all, yeah, let's GO. Sat there for two hours, read it (it was great prose) in one breath.

Surprisingly (this word does come up a lot, doesn't it?) although the book was pretty good, I came up with a few criticisms. It was kind of simplistic in the sense of brandizing types of the various psychological states of people. In the final lesson or so he admitted that he is agnostic or beginning religious, and offers that likewise a person could have religious hope through death or losses, or familial love, for the meaninglessness life might beseige one with, and sort of accept the laws of life or of people. But it left me wonder: is this what it is? Instead of following the fantasy of life, is tending to the innate vulnerabilities of life the curve of the path wisdom leads? I think I am tending to agree with this point of the author, though in others, I am not so sure.

When it comes to psychology and self-help, there is the problem of variety if the writer is a scientist untrained in the field of psychology itself. A human inner life is so rich and so varied through individuals that, each person in himself is a world of its own. So one encounters problems if trying to apply immutable perceptable laws of human behavior to a greater audience. One is limited through his own limitations of perception, and one cannot possibly know the rich inner life of everyone. So I think that rather than trying to hand down a value system, one is much better off trying to impart rules of behavior proven to improve one's chance in one field, profession, so on. A smaller scope. Anything smaller than life.  (note from the blog writer: this is what cathechism is for)

Consider "Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars" by John Grey. It deals with a smaller scope of human experience, namely, gender relationship in romantic situations. The book's message speaks to many people and they actually get away with valuable lessons, small tips and communicational tools useful in their relationships. And they helped. It has been noticed. So did "Boost your Interview IQ"

Curious whether it was worth the strange looks from the passerbys, employees there as I intently pored through the pages of the book. But then again, it might just be the way I read books in public. Which is why I am changing the pattern of behavior, rather than blaming the book.

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  At a mall today, something happened that made me realize a profound truth about the world. It was true ten years ago, as it is true today.  

A woman, when she's in a mall, qualifies as mall ass.

No law against it, no police out trying to control it. Deal with it, brothas and sistahs, because it's going to be there.

Today is Saturday, so I was at a restaurant section in the basement floor of a big downtown mall, reading fervently on "comparative advantage."I was quite absorbed in following the thought of a renowned economist on modern international economy. Then suddenly this lofty activity was put to an abrupt halt. By this: "Excuse me, I would like to know, what are you reading?" A young man inquired. And after asking him hesitantly excuse me, did I know him, ("no, but I would like to know what you're reading because you're so into your reading.") I proceeded to tell him what I was reading. He then asked me which school I attended. I realized that, obviously, I passed for a twenty years old, which made me slightly glad, even as I got a bit squeamish about being interviewed like this. I looked into his face, and dear gosh, did he have a sincere expression on his face. Through my hesitant responses, I was polite but wished for more eloquence in expression. After a bit he thanked me for the conversation and left, and I looked around to see others pleasantly eating their meal and minding their own businesses, and obviously having enjoyed a mouthful of this delightful mini-drama.

On my way back home, I couldn't help but smile. I felt a strange sense having been given a new realization of an aspect of myself; I haven't been quite aware recently that I could be like some meat on display. By the way the young man acted it was so obvious. He just spotted me, walked up to me and said what he wanted, while there were so many people sitting in a few meters distance away from me, talking and observing. As though I was some kind of delicious sandwich to be ordered out of display window. But this made me a bit light hearted.

Later, I went to an evening mass, celebratory mass of a Pentacostal Sunday. After the homily about being animated by the Holy Spirit through our work and daily lives, the priest broke the bread, followed by a hymn that signaled people to come up for the Eucharist. Because the hymnal tone was set in a male baritone, the woman who stood next to me began to sing in an awkward,unnatural-sounding throaty squeak, and being the only person noticing it, I began to smile uncontrollably. And I tried not to smile. But I couldn't help but smile. So my expression morphed from a frown to a smile a couple times in a minute. And this was after the priest gave a homily about the gifts of the Spirit, a list that included self-control. There was something, undeniable and powerful, in the minute discordant situation of an unintentionally funny hymnal singing in the otherwise solemn mass procession. I tried so hard not to, though, especially because I was in the first pew.

And then I realized; perhaps it's among the gifts of God for me that I get to enjoy situations like that, that it's a prelude of happiness for me, an easiness in situations encountered everyday. Sometimes I could use an easiness of thought.

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Finally, Obama emerged as the final most likely nominee for the Democratic party, after his victories in North Carolina and a tie with Hill in Indiana. It looks like it's really the time for Hills to go. So long, my friend. Nice getting to know you.

Obama, my hero. Thank you for defying politics racial determinism. You brought me to modernity so much closer, as I'm sure you did so many others, and I thank you for that sir. It still holds that if someone can make politics interesting to the young, their power is limitless. This part of his campaign is the only thing in common with the ultimately doomed campaign of 1930s.

**I think the clip is so funny. Though it's just for the "laughs"; I like Hillary!

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A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them. -Carl Gustav Jung, from Memories, Dreams, Reflections (1963)

We have met the Damned, and they are we. -Dante

I'm reading Dante's "Inferno" right now. The gory details are burning my eyes.

CANTO XXX: In the same gulf, other kinds of imposters, as those who have counterfeited the persons of others, or debased the current coin, or deceived by speech under false pretenses, are described as sufering various disesases. Sinon of Troy, and Adamo of Brescia, mutually reproach each other with their various impostures. (from the story of the Inferno in Brief, Inferno)

It is comical to envision a hell where such societal misgivings as devaluing of currency is one of damning mortal sins. The question that begs me: Would US's major role in IMF condemn it to the tenth gulf in Dante's Hell? Amusing to consider, not really temporally correct on the one hand. Dante wrote about this hell in 12th century after all, and the church's standing on issues of international relation then was... Guess hell, and images of hell as an entity, get renewed or updated alongwith our world.Anyhow, points aside, I like how the system of Dante's hell unfolds. I have feeling that it would turn out to be really thoroughly reflective of Dante's own inner and outer world. I extrapolate this from that his contemporary Italian social figures show as the main occupants of the hell. This part really piques my interest. But of course, not just that.

Rabbi Sherri Hirsch writes in Time, God is Laughing With You , a look at an old Yiddish saying: "We plan, God laughs."

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 Much to my surprise, I didn't find the new Harold and Kumar movie as nearly entertaining as the first one in 2004. Shocking! Sign of aging and maturity, fo' sho'. Not really bitter, because I like maturity. After all, isn't getting old part of all life? The rich sensiblities and good taste (in all things! Aside from college coming-of-age flicks, apparently) that may come with age I look forward to very much, and I'm looking with a keen eye for their signs in my life. Still no sign of their abundance, however, so I guess I'm not quite "old" yet. If I may say it this way, I mean.

This reminds me of the other day at lunch.

   Cheeky Coworker: "Why do you sit so far away? You shun me because Im old?"

   Me: "...No, that's not true. Actually, I like old people. Sexy."

   Coworker: {Stunned silence}

On a side note, I also got a new, interesting saying from my fortune cookie today.

[An admirer is too shy to greet you]

Oh really? I couldn't guess who it might be, if it indeed is as so. 

I dare you to greet me, admirer. You know I'm very gentle.

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