HORSESHOE BEND

4:29:42 PM EDT
Hearing raining/thunderstorm/seventies

   

Wyatt and his great grandmother-Danny's grandmother.

We have a roaring thunderstorm going on right now, so I may get knocked off line before I get this entry in; but I am going to try anyway. :-)

I have just gotten back from seeing Wyatt! ( You knew this was going to be about Wyatt didn't you??? lol )

I hope you know that for a while this journal will, more than likely, gravitate toward him....Some may say; 'good gosh......everyone has grandchildren that they love...yours is no more special than mine'...and that is rightfully so...

But you know, my feelings have always seemed to run so much deeper than the norm....

     

I will never be able to explain here, nor on paper, the feelings that flood my heart and soul when I look at this child...It is the type feelings that only one's heart can communicate to another heart....

For when I look down on this tiny little baby that is the child of my child....I am overwhelmed with a love that I have never experienced before...

In his face I can see, not only his daddy and his mama....but also his grandma, his granddaddy, his uncles, and his aunts....

I have learned so many lessons from this wee little babe that is only two weeks old...

Like how, no matter how dark the night may seem...the sun will shine again someday...Maybe not tomorrow or the day after...but someday.

I have learned that even though you have lost the love of your life and you think that life itself is 'not worth a damn anymore'; one day, when you least expect it, God will find a way to prove you wrong.

I have learned that just because you think that there are no more miracles for you in God's plans....that doesn't mean that that is what God thinks.

I look at my grandchild and I see the very continuance of life...I see hope renewed...because although death may have laid claim to my beloved husband's body...

It could not break the circle of life that God saw fit to continue.

Because God in His mercy has given to us, as living proof ....this tiny little person named Wyatt Kelvin Daniel Kitchens....

I have come to know and come to believe  what I have seen for myself...

What God had been trying to tell me all along...

It is not ever over....

Life does go on.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

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1:19:21 AM EDT

         

Wyatt, who was born weighing 5 pounds, has now gained 6 ounces ! He is currently having a little trouble with his bowel movements...For the last 4 days, he has only had one movement per day and would be grunting all day, trying to go potty. So we took him to the pediatrician, who ordered an X-ray...

Although they found no cause for his irregular bowel movements, except for gas, they did find a hernia near his groin. They seem to think it has nothing to do with his stool problem, but he is being set up with a neo-surgeon. We will know more later and are not letting this worry us much, for we KNOW that the Good Lord has him in His hands.

          

He is the sweetest little baby...hardly ever crying ... already looking around and lifting his little head. Amanda is doing a wonderful job as a new mama...I am so proud of her. She has had some pain from the c-section of course but otherwise she is fine.

          

When I look at little Wyatt, and he scrunches his forehead up and squints at me; I can honestly see his granddaddy Danny looking back at me and I marvel at this absolute miracle that God granted us...

Danny and I would often lay in our bed at night and wish we could be grandma and grandaddy...would even tell each other what we thought that our grandchildren would look like and be like...what we would do for them...but mainly how we would love them.

Danny went to his grave believing we would never know the joy of being grandparents....He knew how badly I longed for grandchildren and while I know it seems crazy...I can not help but believe that he had a helping hand in all this... 

        

Yes, truly, God has been so good to us.....Just think of it all...Amanda having the baby that she has wanted with all her heart for years....even though specialists said there was hardly any chance...

       

Amanda having not even one tiny labor pain ....( I have never known anyone that did not at least have one little pain especially while receiving drugs to help speed up things ) ....

And Dan.....oh my goodness...

         

When my son Dan holds little Wyatt, you can literally see love radiating all about him...I came into the room today and heard Dan singing " Jesus loves me" to our little fellow, as he sat rocking him in the same rocker that my daddy gave me to rock my children in.....

 

       

When we sat down to eat our supper last night, for the first time in his life Dan actually asked to say the blessing. After he thanked the Lord for our food...he also thanked Him for giving us little Wyatt...

I thanked Him too........

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

 

 

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12:43:16 AM EDT

WYATT KELVIN DANIEL KITCHENS

 Born 06/18/200

  10:53 pm

   5 lbs. 

17 and 1/2 inches long

 

THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

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12:32:32 AM EDT
Hearing sunny/low 90's

First I want to thank each of you who prayed, left a kind word, emailed me, and were there to once again support me and my family, and hold me up at my weakest point......

All I can say is; Thank God for people like you all....Thank God.

I am so glad it is all over...I am so glad to be here tonight....and I am so glad that things turned out the way they did.

When I took Amanda to the fetal specialist Wednesday morning at 8:30, it was with the hope that all would go well and I could get back home. It was not to be.

The sonogram showed that Wyatt had gained 6 oz. but his stomach had gotten smaller.  Also, he had dropped further down. Amanda had began to dilate and was further thinned out. The specialist walked us over to her OBGYN and admission papers were printed up and we left the office headed to the hospital across the street.

Amanda was admitted and taken to a beautiful labor/ delivery room there...It had a comfortable bed with huge oil paintings on the wall behind it. The nurses soon came in and started a drip to bring her on into labor. A few hours later, after having no pains and not dilating, they increased the drip.

After lunch, and still not having any pains...they again increased the drip. During all this time, the monitor belt had kept acting up....slipping off and such. (It timed and measured the strength of her contractions) The monitor was showing very small contractions that were erratic.

Well, after still having no pain...and not dilating past 3 cm....they once again upped the iv drip. They also finally took the stupid monitor belt off and placed an electronic probe in Amanda to measure her contractions.

It was then they found out that Amanda was indeed having contractions..huge ones...and they were coming every minute...On the scale from 0-100...they were measuring 85 to 100. For some unknown reason; she just did not feel them....       

 ALL THIS TIME IN LABOR AND SHE HAD NOT FELT ANY OF THEM.

The nurses all spoke of how lucky Amanda was to not be able to feel the pain associated with childbirth and once again they upped the drip.

I had been watching the monitor screen ALL DAY....to watch not only the contractions, but also little Wyatt's heart beat...which had been holding steady at normal which is @ 135-150 per minute......It was while I was watching the monitor that I noticed shortly after they increased the drip the last time; that Wyatt's heart rate had suddenly dropped to 66...

I spoke to Kelvin's mom and asked her to step outside and call a nurse. When she stepped out, I again looked at the monitor and his heart rate had dropped to 60...and then to nothing....Before I could say a word, the door burst open and four doctors and nurses ran in...

They came running in...One took over the monitor, one stopped the drip, and then.... this blew me away...One of them ran to the painting behind the bed and threw it up the wall...and an oxygen mask dropped down! The painting had been on a hidden track of sorts and was there to hide the oxygen equipment!

They threw the mask on Amanda's face and began saying..."BREATH>>>BREATH>>>BREATH FAST>>>BREATH DEEP" All of this had terrified Amanda and she began hysterically crying...I hushed her and quietly told her that she HAD to breathe...for Wyatt....and she did.

The rest was as if in slow motion....Doctors coming in and explaining that they were going to do an emergency c section right now...Kelvin putting on doctor scrubs....nurses throwing the blanket back and prepping Amanda and then wheeling her out and heading to the operating room....

I was left in a fog of terror and heartache....as we were led to the labor/delivery waiting room....to wait.

Danny's sis, Kat was with me and she convinced me to take a look at the babies in the nursery window...There were around 14 babies there...guess it was the full moon thing going on...While standing there watching the nurses clean up a newly born infant; I was wondering how my daughter was and if they had saved my little grandchild...

I kept looking at the tiny baby that they were turning every which way but loose, checking it for everything....and finally they turned the baby to where we could all see the face....It had so much hair...and I swear it looked just like Kelvin. I even told Kelvin's mom this and after looking at the baby, she agreed...It was then that Kat said that she had seen them place a pink bracelet on it's tiny arm.....meaning it was a little girl....With that info, I left to go to the restroom .

As I was coming out of the restroom, my niece came running up and said," Aunt Carlene......your grand baby is in the nursery!!!' I said excitedly..."really...he is??" and she said; "yeah...it was the baby you were looking at!!!" I was thoroughly confused by then...my grand baby was suppose to be a boy! She saw my confusion and said..."Aunt Lene...the baby you saw...it was a boy...It was Wyatt!!!"

OMG...I have felt this elation only twice...Both times when my own two children were born...alive... healthy....and kickin' and screamin'. I looked up and saw Kelvin standing there in his doctor scrubs...and he said..."yes...Amanda is okay!" I broke down right then and  there...I felt as if I had been holding my breath the entire time and had just now gotten my first good breath of fresh air.

Kelvin told me after it was all over; that once inside the operating room....and after cutting Amanda open, the doctors found that not only was the cord wrapped around little Wyatt's neck, but his little arm was wedged..pressing up against and pinching the cord in one spot....no wonder he wasn't getting enough blood and nutrients. They also found out that Amanda's cervix was too small to have delivered him anyway.

They did not find out why she never felt any of the pains....I choose to believe that the good Lord,  your prayers, and maybe even Danny had a little to do with that.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

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7:40:10 PM EDT
AMANDA IS IN LABOR.  WILL LET YALL KNOW MORE WHEN I DO. PRAY OKAY?  I AM AT THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW IN LABOR ROOM.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.


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10:43:04 PM EDT
Feeling Lonely
Hearing hot/sunny/90's

         

                    ( this cute tag by D! )

I went over yesterday and helped Amanda do some chores around the house. Kelvin built the sink base doors and put them on...Also he made a desk and cabinet for the kitchen...He is very good at building things.

Amanda is having twinges and a little back pain....She has dilated a little over 1 cm and her cervix has thinned out over 70 %... She goes back to the fetal specialist Wednesday...He will do another sonogram and if the baby has gained enough weight, he will let nature take it's course...If not...he will do the amnio* and we will go from there. Please keep her and the baby on your prayer list.

             

                  Amanda  on  June 15, 2008

I have not been feeling well at all....I had to stop in at the out patient Oconee Regional doctor's office while in Athens with Amanda the other day. My blood pressure has been running on the high side...and I have been having a severe headache and feeling nauseous...Don't know what is going on but I hope it stops...I am trying to find a doctor around here.

Dan went to Myrtle Beach, SC with his Aunt Kat and his cousin Troy ...Seems like he had a ball down there .  lol....All I have heard is "Myrtle Beach" since he got back home! I am so glad that Troy let him go with them....Dan very seldom goes anywhere, and I missed him so much while he was gone.

He always loved going to MB with me and Danny. I can not go this year since Amanda is due most any day....so it was a God send when Troy and Wendy invited Dan to go along with them. He had some pictures on a throw-a-way camera that I bought him, but he left it at the motel...He was so disappointed, bless his heart.

                

              Happier times...Me and Danny at MB

You know;  when you lose a loved one...

Well, let me back up and rephrase that and  say ; since I loss Danny; I can think of soooo many things that I didn't do, that I should have done.....and I can think of sooo many things that I did do, that I shouldn't have done, both while we were courting and married...Know what I mean?

I think daily of how I could have done things differently...little things and big things...Oh sure...I know he would have thought the same thing had it been me to go first...

But the awful thing about death is.....

You get no second chances...

You don't get to right your wrongs...

You have to live with all the 'should haves', and 'could haves' for the rest of your life.

You find yourself  praying that your loved one knew that you were only human...and though you may not have shown it all the time...

The true depth of your love for him was deeper than even you realized...

I sure hope Danny knew.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

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11:33:04 PM EDT
Hearing OVER 100 DEGREES TODAY...SUNNY

              

I had to pick up a few items from town today, so I did a little lookin' around while I was there....I got a gown for Amanda and a cute little baby blue onesie for her baby that says...."Yes I am handsome; I take after my daddy!"

I took her the gown and baby outfit later on when I went to the cookout Kelvin threw. He does a great job cooking on the grill and I know Amanda was glad to be able to sit for a change!

I have to tell yall something....

Earlier, while I was shopping, I came across a man's cap.........and the more I looked at it...the more I knew, crazy or not...I could not leave that cap for someone else to buy...because I only knew two people in my lifetime that it described...and both of them are gone...

I argued with myself for the longest time...I know that you do NOT buy a cap for a dead man...

But in the end....

I brought it home and I fixed it up with some flowers for Father's Day....

yeah...I know.......crazy....

       

  They say a picture is worth a thousand words...

Danny may not have lived long enough to prove this true to anyone else......but I know with all my heart and soul that had he had just a few more years here with us...

He would have been:

      THE WORLD's GREATEST GRANDPA .

 

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

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11:22:01 PM EDT
Feeling Worried
Hearing 90/SUNNY/HOT AND HUMID

 

       

Where is everybody???? Are my alerts working??? If you did not get my entry alert, will you please let me know??? lol

Amanda didn't get to work this week ... Her feet have been swollen so bad and she has been having some pain...I guess it is braxton- hicks.

I have not mentioned this before now, because this journal is public and I do not want Amanda to know I am worried, nor do I want to get her upset....but I feel I must get this off my mind.

They are talking of taking Amanda's baby early....She has been placed with a high risk pregnancy doctor. They say her baby has IURG...Which means Intra-Uterine Restrictive Growth. Which basically means that the baby is not measuring up to the weeks that she is pregnant...that he will thrive better outside...among other things.

She has to have another sono-gram this coming Tuesday and the fetal specialist will look at it. She will be 35 weeks then.

They want to do an amnio- ? ( needle into the womb) at 37 weeks and if they find out that the baby's lungs have formed and can sustain life, Amanda will be induced into labor that day. If the lungs are not ready...they will wait one more week. Please, will you keep her and the baby in your prayers?

At work today, I waited on around 7 women that had either had a baby in the last couple of months or were expecting a baby within a month, and everyone of them said they were either going to be induced or had already been induced..not one of them had their baby the old fashioned way ...( when the baby and God said it was time...not the doctor)..

Why is that ??? Why are the OBGYN's inducing labor, on the average, two weeks early now??? Is it a normal thing to do now? Please, if you ahve time, will you vote on this?

              

If you know of anyone else, please share my journal url with them so they can vote also....

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

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12:47:14 AM EDT
Hearing SUNNY-HOT-80'S

I had my entry all written out and ready to save and I do not know what I hit on this key board, but it wiped the entire entry out.....I want to cry, spit nails and pull my hair out....grrrrrrrrr

Amanda went to a physical therapist today for her hand and wrist. The specialist said that she indeed has carpal tunnel in both wrists and also something else going on with her right wrist and thumb...all from being pregnant. I told the therapist that I never had such problems and she said that alot of women don't, but a few do...and poor Amanda is one of those few.

 I wake up at three in the morning and when I go to the bathroom, there she sits, crying softly so as to not wake the rest of us. They molded her some special hand splints today and so far she says that they help the pain...I hope she sleeps well tonight. She will go back next week . She goes to her OBGYN tomorrow.....I hope we get a good report.

This is the price of gas here on May 22....it may be higher by now...as it is I paid $50.00 to fill up then and I already had over a fourth of a tank. That price on the diesel is $4.69 a gallon! No wonder the oil companies are making mega profits here lately...whew...I am working to pay for only groceries and gas. I may have to get a second job if this keeps up much longer.

        

Amanda's Aunt Kat and Kat's daughter-in-law Wendy gave Amanda a baby shower party Sunday and invited all her friends and co-workers! Even my boss was there and when I talked to her today, she said she had the best time ever!!! This being Amanda's first baby, she needs EVERYTHING! So she was thrilled at all the gifts she received for little Wyatt!  Kelvins mom brought a very special gift......it was Kelvins own little rockin horse that he had as a tot! She had refinished the wood and gave it a brand new yarn mane and tail. It was beautiful and I just can not wait to see my little grandson riding it for the first time!

 

       

      This little onesie she is holding up says;

            " I was worth the wait" !!!

I know there was a lot of hard work and preparations done for this party and I am so grateful to Kat and Wendy for doing this. To see Amanda so happy after she has had such a hard time of it lately, just made my day...Mere words are not enough, I know...What can I say but: God bless you Kat and Wendy....You both know that I love yall.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

 

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10:10:13 AM EDT
Hearing am-sunny-70 degrees

           

Amanda and I went to Church Sunday. There was hardly anyone there....I think it may have been 14 people. I told the preacher that I decide to come to church and the others stay away!  He said he noticed that too! lol ( I hope he was joking! ;)

She has been having trouble sleeping lately, so she got up early Sunday morning and crawled into my bed with me....like old times when she was a little girl and couldn't sleep. She use to have nightmares every once in a while and would could running and leap into the bed with me and Danny...wiggling like a little worm until she got in between the middle of us! lol That was her "safe spot"!

Amanda has been having a lot of trouble with carpal tunnel (SP?) lately. Both her hands and wrists ache really bad. Her OBGYN says it is natural for pregnant women.....but I swear I do not remember having it. But then, maybe that is something I chose to forget! She goes back to the doctor tomorrow.

After Church, we painted  some of the rooms of the house that they are going to move into. We got  the baby's room and the living room painted with two coats each and now have to trim them out. Kelvin stippled (sp?) the ceilings and they look so nice! He and his dad did them while Amanda and I were at Church.

     

                  living room

His mom and dad have really worked hard helping to fix the house up...His mama came over while Amanda  and I were at work and helped Kelvin all day one Saturday....She is a very hard worker and I believe she can outwork most men! She also  helped us paint the underside of the house and the porch.

         

    the nursery...it will have baby looney tunes border, etc.

Kelvin gets his skills from his dad, who is an excellent carpenter by trade. His Dad even got on the roof with Kelvin helping to replace the shingles and re-placing several parts of the roof. The house had leaks in every room ....so they also had to replace the ceiling sheet rock and re-sand  it and also some of the walls inside. It is a lot more work than we ever imagined...seems like a house just dies when no one lives in it...We are keeping our fingers crossed that everything is ready before little Wyatt gets here. They still have to get a queen size mattress set and living room furniture...not to mention a crib etc!

         

My rhododendron finally bloomed! I have had it since before Danny died and it would not bloom though it would have leaves on it...So I was so surprised and happy to see some blooms on it this morning! It had been so long that I had forgotten what color it was! (white) lol

Whew! This was a long entry....

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

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