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11:23:00 AM EDT
Cooler Trend Watch: Misguided Celebrity Passion Project Documentaries
Last weekend, we went to the premiere of our favorite telelvision real-time action hero Kiefer Sutherland's new movie, a documentary called 'I Trust You to Kill Me.' Yes, the title sounds like the motto of every terrorist that ever crossed paths with Jack Bauer on '24,' but it is, unfortunately, the story of Kief's passion project, a band with an angsty name we can't remember . What is important is that Kief himself is not in the band. He just REALLY likes it. And so he signs it to his "record label" and takes it on a "European tour," acting as "tour manager." The movie, which follows the tour, doesn't really have a plot; its limited appeal is in the sadistic pleasure in watching Kief whore himself out for the sake of a silly rock band.
Kiefer plays entourage to a band no one cares about. (Getty Images, Retna)
We went into the movie thinking Jack Bauer could do anything. We left deflated, for it turns out there is one thing Bauer can't do: exercise good taste in music. A movie in which you get to watch Kiefer Sutherland drunkenly hurl himself at a Christmas tree and party with a rock band sounds amusing in concept, but in actuality, is demythologizing and pathetic. The band is mediocre emo bluegrass (think Dave Matthews, plus a lot of angst, minus the hits), and Kiefer's passion for it shows him to be very genuine and nice but also completely off his rocker. When he gets an emo-style tattoo of the band's "single" 'I Trust You to Kill Me' in huge Icelandic runes down the length of his arm, the audience is left to wonder how this damaged twenty-two-year-old ever got trapped in the body of a thirty-nine-year-old television hero.
Getty Images
This is why we were concerned today to learn of the forthcoming release of Adrian Grenier's documentary 'Shot in the Dark,' about his search for his biological father. If Jack Bauer can't pull off hanging out with rock star types (well, rock star wannabes), woe is Vincent Chase. And more to the point: woe is the actor who makes his real-life vulnerabilities available to the viewing public. The world no more needs to know about Adrien Grenier's abandonment issues than it needs to know about Kiefer Sutherland's. (Yes, we now know, he has a daddy complex too.) So here's our advice, famous people. Learn the lesson Britney Spears learned when she made 'Chaotic,' and put the digital camera away. We don't need you to turn your personal lives into public domain. We already have reality telelvision for that.
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And to think, in the "Stand By Me", "Lost Boys", "Young Guns", "Flashback" years, I had a HARD crush on that guy.
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Kiefer Sutherland looks really awful throwing himself at a Christmas Tree!!!
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here's my observation, famous people - at least I earn the money I steal.
9/14/06 7:25 PM
1. Great way to infiltrate groupie cell units
2. Guitars are really Sensitive listening devices
3. Drummer is Double agent bent on World domination
4. Testing of "Wacky" tobacco will lead to better Third World relations
5. Songs imbedded with "hidden" meanings for secret agents in crowd
6. New "torture" music
7. Bars across the U.S.A. will be "cleaned" of Secret "good music" vibes
8. Toughening ears up for "24" ear torture episode
9. Three words -- SPYS LACK GROUPIES
10. Needed a good Cover for "OPERATION GIRLS GONE WILD"