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4:54:00 PM EDT
GGG 9.22.06
Dear Girls,
My mom spends all my money, my dad’s in jail, wishing he could spend all my money, my ex-friend tried to hit on my boyfriend, I broke my wrist and now I’ve been dumped. Dumped. Me. Hello? Who would dump me? I wonder if it was because I asked him to wipe the dog crap off my shoe? (My assistant wouldn’t do it, that b*tch.) I know I flirt with other guys, and sleep with other guys, and tell him that he can’t do the same with other girls, but hello, he should be honored to get the chance to be my boyfriend. But yeah, I’m having a sh*tty time and wondering what I should do?
Love,
The Meanest Girl in the Land
Dear MGITL,
There’s really only one thing a single girl with a broken wrist, a trashy mother and a felon for a father can do and that’s party. Come on, admit it. It’s what you do best. All you have to do is snap your fingers and the hottest clubs open all the doors for you, even though you’re not 21 yet. But that will be our little secret, ok? And as for a little comfort from the male department, we hear that Blink 182 guy is single. He could help ease some of your pain, we’re sure. So grab those Christian Louboutins, flash that peace sign and don’t forget to call the paparazzi to tell them where you’ll be. Pretty soon, your problems and pain will all go away.
Love,
The Girls
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