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EncycloFEEDia | Zoopocalypse
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Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Welcome to the EncycloFEEDia. This is the second entry of what will be a living zeitgeist encyclopedia. Read on...
Zoopocalypse: a violent, aggressive movement enacted by the animals of the earth in order to assume the top position in the food chain and enact revenge for generations of mistreatment. Though attacks on humans have occurred throughout history, 2006 saw the campaign reach new heights.
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EncycloFEEDia | Zoopocalypse
Welcome to the EncycloFEEDia. This is the second entry of what will be a living zeitgeist encyclopedia. Read on...
Zoopocalypse: a violent, aggressive movement enacted by the animals of the earth in order to assume the top position in the food chain and enact revenge for generations of mistreatment. Though attacks on humans have occurred throughout history, 2006 saw the campaign reach new heights.
The origins of the term Zoopocalypse are found
in ancient Jewish and Christian texts written during a time when
people understood the dangers of getting friendly with
Bengal Tigers; hence, the graphic Biblical references to plagues of frogs,
snakes, locusts and Chinchillas. However, it is the nostalgia for an earlier,
more animal-friendly time that causes the unfortunate communion of people who
want to be close to animals and animals who want to be left alone.
The recent intensification can be attributed to several factors: global
warming destroying natural habitats, suburban sprawl, the regression of human
intelligence and Howie Mandel's sudden comeback. This year alone alligators have
started their concerted
attacks on Floridians, bears have attacked
men and women and shredded mankind's
genetic cousin, while chipmunks have brought
the Black Plague to Utah. Most disturbingly, chimps -- only a strand of DNA
away from being human -- have exacted their revenge
for years of abuse. And, of course, wild turkeys are acting like they own Kentucky
now.
For thousands of years, man has built
safeguards to protect himself from the elements and diseases that exist on
Earth. Nevertheless, no amount of security, engineering or defense can assuage
the fears of a Zoopocalypse, during which man comes
face-to-face with his greatest fear and deepest guilt.
Scientists have long predicted this violent response. Though they are
unable to predict when the next attack will commence, chupacabra
sightings often serve as harbingers of an uprising.
Predicted survivors of the Zoopocalypse: cockroaches,
Howie Mandel, Brett Favre, Paris Hilton, Little
Dogs and most animals.
Further reading: National Geographic, ANIMAL FARM, Us
Weekly and Sploid!
Previous Entries:
- Oprahcracy
Previous Entries:
- Oprahcracy
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