Bolts Blog

2:35:54 AM EDT
Feeling Quiet
Hearing M.I.A. "Paper Planes"
Before anything starts...again. Your presented with a challenge. I'll bang your head at any game. Ask. But it never happens. Why? Cuz we all get old...and some peeps care. I know the schedule. As the economy kills my life, I have the Chargers. All you out there is fuckin' crazy if you think your safe. Take a bike ride. Before you all eat your next McD whatever. My life is struggling to feed you grain. We have it here. But WAR rules us all. I'm seeing a championship in MY lifetime. And Planet lifetime also.

 If i could only tell you how my staples have been escalated. It's a plan, lest you wanna go big. Kill animals and rape land. Tax day. What you paying for? I hope all your family is safe. I'm just an undeserving hard luck case who needs medical help, but pride dictates I don't beg or go into debt. I deserve it for being poor. I don't feel I'm poor, but the USA reminds me...Iam.

 I WILL tell all doubting mfer's, NE or otherwise. People get ready...we winnin' one. I stoke on ESPN calling bloggers stupid. Everytime I  break, I get squashed. I've been around. I live the "never win". The stories I could tell and do you stupid self entitled losers. I paint it now. Like Daft and Kanye...thats how much I'm up on ya! And when we get...you'll be talkin past. Chargers...drink...oh wait...yeah...do it!


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1:00:22 PM EST
Feeling Surprised
Hearing NNNNYYYYYY!:17   Pats:14
 Ok, so I'm a Pat hater. I'm just gonna say this: 4th & 13 bitches! As a Charger fan on the losing end of two painful playoff games to the eventual champions I relish in this throne toppling. I saw the Pats brazenly going for it early on a 4th and 13. I have seen this. We did this to them in the divisional at home a few years back. 4th and 12 late. We intercepted. Machine terminated! Then fumbled on the return! As Bill Paxton proclaimed in Aliens, "That's it man, game over!" Or the little boomerang boy in Road Warrior. "DAD! DAD! were dead meat...uh oh...I think were all dead meat!" And every time it's the Pats, the air of arrogant expectancy of them succeeding was always in the air. And usually it happened.

Take that Pope! Cry, Cry, Cry. Here is a beer bong full of cod liver oil Chowderheads!

 Not last night. Thank god. Saved from Chowderhead gin blossom cheeked taunts for a year. And the 1972 Dolphin crew puffin' stogies and Mercury Morris knowing he'll be relevant every now and again. NE won more games in a row, but the machine was a fragile flower that wilted in the upset dome of doom. And Bellichick's lemon sucking sour puss expression turning to a Sinead O'Conner tear in the end. But Sinead was the Giants and the Pats literally were the photo of the Pope. Gods of football. Laying in tattered shreds on the floor, ripped apart. Confetti falling on their heads but not for them. A celebration for all Pat haters. The machine will always be figured out by the human. But many lives will be lost on the journey to utterly defeat the evil dynasty. Porkins didn't get shot down, he did a 3 point roll, avoided all enemy fire, stayed on target, and took out the Death Star! Skywalker was just covering from behind. And back at the Force airport? Solo gets rejected and Leia gives it up porno style to Pilot Porkins! The ugly got all the breaks, luck, and big plays. The defense sparkled. This entry has begun with more cliche, well worn pop culture than a Shrek movie. But the cliche of NE always gettin' the big prize is done. A blemish. A big fat NE blemish. Wait, a yellow white head, ripe for popping. POP! Will this beat down ever end? No. It's all so warm and fuzzy.

 And Bill B's face.Priceless sore loser. Must spy harder, does not compute, does not compute. I hope some unfortunate soul who has a voice box, but is a Giant fan, turns his speaker to 11 and yells in your ear at the Olive Garden your dining at"WAAAAH!"


Everyone forgets this picture. No, it is not a "gay" moment between one football genius and one genius cheater.
It is football mafioso don aka "The Plate Full" Parcells giving Bellichick the kiss of death ala cousin Fredo. Mom then died and the hitman killed Fredo fishing. Yeah! The Gorton's fisherman is dead! Have fun in concrete shoes in da East River Pats. No matter how many you win,
this will sting like iodine on an open cut, every moment next season and for dare I say...eternity?. I was lying about the kiss of death, it really was a gay moment! WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Swim with da fishes Pats! Seau gets a life raft though.

Eli has his moment in the sun.

Brady, on the run. Sacked 5 times and pressured numerous times. 9 pressures & more! Strahan has the power.

THE CATCH! David Tyree who power clutches it over x Charger Harrison.
This is the "moment" that helped propel the Giants on 2008's Super Bowl
version of "The Drive"
Who ever thought it would be the G Men doing it? Love it.

This was sposed to be the Hoody. He is drinkin' at TGIF's. HA HA!

The Tom Cruise of the NFL in a rare moment. One word says it all smug
New Englanders ,"WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Yes, it is now a word
in the Pat dictionary. Chants of "We're #2! We're #2!" fill the Northeast. How fitting. A gourmet
season, 17 courses. And for dessert, a giant poop sundae! Quote Tom,"We're only gonna score 17
points? HA!HA!HA!HA!"Who's laughing now, Sir Smug? Yo Plaxico!

Ok, here is a bridge you can jump off Chowds. Notice counseling is available.  Call after you jump, ok?




This is after all, a Charger blog. Next year I'll be writing the winning entry. Just you wait and see. Keep the Faith Powds. West Coast SD WILL represent next season.




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8:06:07 PM EST
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing RUSH 2112
 Yes, we have pain. Hope and pain 09...my mind is broken. But I have buried my face in the sweet tits o freedom. Twice. Get  back to you. I have been crushed again. Send some out this way. You NE fans all quiet till the end...then pop. No big rips this game. Difference...bottom line. FG's to TD's. Charger proud.

GIANTS, what time u want? 6:29pm Beat them...NOW


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11:37:42 AM EST
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Thunderstruck by AC/DC & Can U Deliver by Armored Saint
 For the Bolts about to Rock...FIIIIIIIIIRRRRRREEEEEEE! We salute you! Make the most of today Bolt Heads, these don't come around often. This the the cheerleading blog for sure. RAH RAH RAH! Bust out the raccoon coat and pennant! 23 skee doo! That's way old skool, look it up. Prohibition era. Welcome to the new prohibition. Prohibiting the Pats from reaching the Bowl. Smashing them like Carrie Nation smashed kegs and bottles. Oh, I'm a historian a bit.

 So Megadeth's "Symphony of Destruction" plays in my head with Pats heads a rollin'! But it could be played and done to either side. And more people are Dave Mustaine like in NE. Pale. Bitchy. Red Sox Syndrome. Double speak spinning circles to no where. Like a Bellechick interview. Maybe that robot will show some emotion today. Robot Norv busted out last week, and showed mad emotion. You would to if your DB was called for defensive holding on a 90 yd TD runback, after HE was thrown to the ground! I'm sure we are gonna also have to be beating the ref's again and the league referendum and hidden agenda to have a GB/NE Super Bowl. Don't think it ain't so. If your a Pat fan you wouldn't know this cuz your the Micheal Jordan of the NFL. You get all the calls. Yeah, I'm sour grapin' and yearning for a ring for my beloved Bolts.

 OK, I'm done. Let me check the oven...New England is still getting baked and the timer is broken. The souffle' has collapsed. The cake dropped. The frozen pizza you put in is now a hockey puck you drunk! Be the hockey puck NE, be the puck. I would also like to say I have written two winning playoff blogs in 2007-8, and I approve this message if it's three! The dee takes us to the Bowl? Stranger things have happened. BOLTS...Live it...breathe it...don't snort it! Today we levitate like Tibetan monks and cut off limbs like Uma. Charger Jesus, today is the day to quit waiting for gifts and get the f*ck out of that dusty manger! Part that Blue Sea. Do that struck by lightning thing. A butterfly flapped it's wings in San Diego and...

 LATE UPDATE: We have not been in the Super Bowl in 13 years I just heard. Another intangible. My lucky #. I was born 3/13/61. Wow! I so know if I wear all this 8 game winning streak stuff that isn't washed. Since 8 games ago. BOOM! I'm CRAY ZEEEEEEE about 13. Turnover town...who is gonna do it? I'm out. On da bus! Claudia's baybee. Mecca in Portland. We gonna do it...


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11:37:02 PM EST
Feeling Anxious
Hearing The Pied Piper by Jethro Tull
 
 My whole week was freezing my ass off selling falafels and cars and people going by yelling "Go Chargers!" Two Pat yelps all week. OK, I'm on the left coast. But far from SD. Lotsa Bolt fans. And then it seems most other teams fans are rootin' for the Bolts to stop the machine. It is a huge task to do this two weeks in a row. But if any team can do it, this Charger squad is it. I will never guarantee anything in this. Just my loyalty to believe it can be done. And some elements are coming into play for both the AFC & NFC Championships. Extreme weather?

 I look for all what I would consider "favorable" conditions for San Diego. Stiff cold wind and snow? Good. This team has players from all over the country. And cold and wind favors the run. And that we got. Charger homie hear singing to Steve Perry's tied belly shirt rendition of "Don't Stop Believin'" I'm holdin' on to that Indy feelin'! Hopefully we won't be as sensitive as Steve...and deliver the hammer to New England!

 You wanna little hex action too? The Chargers honorary captain for the game is none other than Stan "The Man" Humphries. Like I said, look for anything to motivate. Stan knows what it is all about. To get no respect. And then stun em!

 Just heard another ESPN East coast blow hard call it a Patriot blow out. And we will all get to see what all of America wants...Green Bay/New England Super Bowl. Well we got some Corona shot drinking people down south that care and call bullshit! People falling out of VW vans with plumes of pot smoke billowing from within. Saying "DUUUUUUDE!" In Hawaiian shirts drinking drinks with little umbrellas in em! Chicks in thongs bathed in Ban du Soleil. That dude who sells oranges out of a shopping cart on the freeway on ramp. The dudes surfing in poop at Tijuana Sloughs. The mullet dude with the CB and eight ball tatt. Or the Paris Hiltonesque bimbo in a Mercedes. There all hoping for a San Diego VS fill in the blank Super Bowl. I don't care. The West Coast be hatin' on your snobbery and perfection. We shall see who prevails.

 Quick note: The mighty Portland Trailblazers handed Miami their 12th loss in a row and did it to them in Miami. 98-91 Blazers. 2-2 so far on a 7 game road swing. Not bad. Portland is gonna shock and at least make the playoffs. Like the Chargers in 2004, from worst to almost 1st. Respectability, the Rose City is diggin' it.


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5:10:50 PM EST
Feeling Silly
Hearing Lucy In The Sky With Daimonds by William Shatner
 These are the lifers. Charger fans are everywhere. One might be sitting next to you right now. These are who I live and die with every Sunday. We even hang after games. This is where I get sloshed and makes me write angrily ala charles Bukowski meets a low rent Jack Murphy. Ghetto Murphy! We all had a real fine time yesterday. Our beloved Bolts took a giant step for Charger kind. 2nd stringin' to victory over the defending Super Bowl champs!

 On another note, the Trailblazers were on at the same time and I glanced at it rarely. Portland lost in Raptorville. In 2 OT's. Take on the Nets tonite so get one Blazers! Update: The Blazers put the smackdown on the Nets in Jersey. Portland:99 NJ:73 The Nuggets lost at Charlotte so I think were back on top in the NBA's Northwest Division. Who woulda thunk it, not I.


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1:54:20 PM EST
Feeling Ecstatic
Hearing SD: 28  INDY:24

THE MATCH UP. WHO YOU RIDIN' WITH? BELIEVE IN POWDER BLUE!

 This was one for the ages. One of our biggest victories in over 40 years of existing. The team known to collapse in the clutch, punished the Colts from the opening bell. And maintained consistency even when adversity struck. People thought we were toast with LT and Rivers, well we won, and won aggressively without them! With Micheal Turner at RB and Billy Volek leading an inspirational drive to win the game. It was a thing of beauty.

 Where to begin? We had many stars. Some for only a moment but the impact is immeasurable. This was the new Charger heart.  And I swear the officiating was horrendous! Man, the timing of some of the calls. The standout hell call was Antonio Cromarties 90 something yard INT return for a TD. It was a literal ego crusher for the Colts as a sustained drive came to a thud and we turned their scoring oppurtunity into ours, and it was emotional. What a run. Then they kick us in the ribs and call a frilly ticky tack defensive holding. A phantom call if there ever was one. And then they crushed our and Cromartie's moment! We went into the half on a downer instead of the ultimate upper. But in hindsight, by snatching that moment and the seven points, it made us hungrier in the 2nd half. Man that was disgusting. I had to go outside to hyperventilate as I saw another "Charger Moment", like the holy roller ball. Insane moments that just seem to happen to us. Thanks for throwing that monkey off my back. I believe dammitt!

 Another inspiration was Antonio Gates just being on the field. It must kill to run with a dislocated toe. Antonio is a true warrior of the gridiron. We head to Foxboro in rough shape. But at least were going there!

 The receivers were spot on. Jackson had 7 catches for 93 yds and a TD. Chambers hauled in 3 for 67 yds and a thrilling TD. Gates had 2 on wounded toe. And Volek hit rarely used Legedu Nannee for a critical 27 yd gain that maintained what will become known in Volek's career as "Volek's Elway Drive". Receivers did the job. Excellent performance.

 Oh, Eric Weddle! Your falling backward one armed one handed INT to kill anotherColt drive was phenomenal! The defense?  For once...killer instinct. 

 And who was throwing these accurate darts through the mid 4th quarter until he was injured. Yes, the infamous Philip Rivers. He stepped up big time. Clutch 3rd down throws. Hey, the screen pass to Sproles for the 56 yd TD. Philip came to play. And we know the Volek story. LT was out by the mid 2nd quarter and the doom and gloomer feelings came rushing in for a bit. I think there were 5 or 6 lead changes. With us taking it for good last, and not just hanging on...winning with authority! There is so much more. I'm exhiralated, two winning blogs and at least the oppurtunity to write a pre and post AFC Championship blog. If we break hearts of stone, maybe a Super Bowl blog! I dreamed once and it came true. I have faith. Charger Jesus is strong this year. A beautiful day in Charger history, somewhat tainted by the blatant favoritism of the officiating crew. makes you think the NFL wanted to see NE/Indy Championship game. But it didn't work!




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11:24:26 PM EST
Feeling Ecstatic
Hearing Like A Feather...Or Freakin' Hammer
 I just woke up. Yeah. I drank. Watched the 2nd string. It's 7:55am PST. Did it happen? Yes. And Jenna really did give you that BJ. You weren't dreaming. Heartbreakers coming to Chowder Mass. With payback in mind. I'll talk some now with this pleasurable hangover. Fuck all you doubters, me included. I saw some heart. Our stars smilin' whilst the 2nd peeps stepped in and missed...not a beat. Yeah, we walked into another dynasty in 94, this one is Godzilla like. But SD knows how to break a heart. Cept this time it's gonna be yours...not ours.

 The conveyer belt is comin' with my sushi, and sake'. Oh, later that will be. Greenpeace also kicked Japan's ass yesterday. When are we all gonna respect? When they tell you your gonna die, that's when. That Grape Nuts dude was eatin' pine cones back in 73. I challenge you to eat vegetarian 1 day a week. Or eat a KFC beakless chicken, altered for your taste 5 times a week. HA! I'm gonna wake up now with a little breakfast and a Bloody Mary. I don't do this often. But I don't work Mondays and my team is in the AFC Championship, against more supposed insurmountable. Yeah, after 46 years of doing this, I get another chance. Like me or any in our "Charger Nation" got anything to lose. All we got to do is gain. I saw lion hearts yesterday, cliche...huh? I knew it. Not that we would win. Just that we would rip that gazelle, like lion's do. No, not the Detroit kind. I like the Red Wing better. I get to at least watch football and care in January. And you? I'm gonna short bask in glory...with a celery stick Mary, and some kind of omelette that someone else makes. On a Monday. Have fun at work hungover Indy fans. BOOOO YA! We gotcha!

 Oh, and I'm not even gonna get into the officiating. A killer Charger moment was stolen from us at the end of the 2nd half. Till I come back, less I decide to bring the laptop, we will discuss the many moments where we were ripped off and Peyton got another chance. Only to be denied. But more help kept coming. It's like an election, win big or the fix is in. Like guarding Micheal Jordan, yeah, you fouled him. Those ref honks watch too much TV. You also tried to beat us officials. You dint.

 Oh, it was 7:55 pm, damn that Bloody Mary is due, in 12 hours!


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11:31:33 AM EST
Feeling Anxious
Hearing Like A Feather by Nikka Costa
 I'll try and type as nervous as Iam. I hear Gates is warming up. I'll take him as a mascot! Threat would be nice. I will step on no cracks on  my public transit journey to Claudia's. Damn the torpedos! Full speed ahead, captain! Either I'm gung ho or I like Sgt. Pepper's! Look to the sky, it's powder blue. The spirit (living) of Stan is here. Philip...get fat and be Stan today. Literally. LT...your day. Heads up no matter what come yo way. This ain't a blog. It's Knute Rockne every week I know. Power to the Chargers and all who stand today for powder blue. It can be done. Rome wasn't built in a day. And skiiing is cool again. Chargers...live it...breathe it, from birth to the hearse! CHARGERS!


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9:59:07 PM EST
Feeling Hopeful
Hearing Praying For Peak Performance in Indy

CONFIDENCE!

 I am finally doing it. After 3 years of blogging on the Bolts these words being typed are that of a playoff game winner. Yeah, a lot of peeps say that our win last year in the playoffs was a bye, I'm glad to finally see a W in the post season. And ugly it was.  We have our work cut out for us. Gates is doubtful. All the experts are predicting an Indy blowout. This is smelling a lot like 1994 and going to Pittsburgh for a supposed flogging by the powerhouse Steelers. Stan the Man led us to victory and then we did get keel hauled in the Super Bowl. But we made the dance as the ultimate Cinderella story. The working man's Chargers of 94. And this is the step before. A chance to dance with the Pats in Foxboro for a shot at the pinnacle of sports titles. Of course if Jax wins and we clip the blue ponies, the championship would be in San Diego. I can dream can't I? I'm so excited. This is excruciating for an old dawg fan. But being the underdog suits us. Develops a hunger. Hunger to prove. And LT is starving.

 We beat TN in the end 17-6 and the 1st half was an art show at a Holiday Inn, ugly. Yes, I was afraid. It was like sleepwalking. I am typing this blog almost a week after the win because I have been busy attending Trailblazer games and enjoying they're success as well. So my attention has turned to this Sunday and the task at hand. Beating the reigning World Champs in their house. We can do this contrary to the naysayers who have treated us like red headed step children. Always playin' it safe and takin' the Pats or the Colts. We get pumped for Indy...and I believe in this team. I'm a realist. I see what they see, and how it could happen. And I have seen it happen, believe me. But I see other things they don't. C'mon look into this powder blue crystal ball and see what I see. And get those bad thoughts and plays out yo head, run those positive tapes. Remember 94...counted out early. And showed lion hearts. I see this.
 

 


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