~*~It'S aLl Me~*~

wow, well alot has happend since i last wrote.

some good, and alot bad. but the bad doesn't compare to the good.

well to start with, that night with johnny we made out and shit, it ment nothing. and for like a week after that he would be like "i like you, you treat me better than bianca ever did" and then he just stopped talking to me.

went to a rob zombie and ozzy concert (: with sam. at mohegan sun.

one night, i went to sam's. had some jagermister? or however you spell it, and hit her bong alittle. we wanted red bull to make jagerbombs, but didn't have any. so i called nick and he drove over with his friends. sam saw my picture of my bong and got all mad, and let's put it this way, choose drugs over me. so whatever, i left with nick his brother, his brothers girlfriend, and their friend. i was so wasted. i spent the night there and nick took care of me. i was like falling everywhere. the next day i got in trouble and my mom searched my room and found everything.  so we stopped drugs. [me and nick] haven't talked to sam , really, since.

over spring break i went to jays and megan was there. [james lil came too] then julie came too. [hate her] lets put it this way, i drank waaaay to much. went onconisous? and got rushed to the hospital from alchohal poisoning. fucking julie took pictures of me. so my mom went crazy on her's. idc though.

everyone thought i was depressed when i drank so much. it's not like i just got depressed. i've been depressed. i've been battleing depression for a while in so many different ways. i lost my best friend, my dad doesn't care for me, paulie's an asshole, bridget is a bitch, mom's always telling me about money problems, i miss grandad and uncle johnny more than ever, and school is so hard.  why doesn't my mom realize it. i've cut myself, took loads of pills, smoked weed, drank till i passed out, anything to escape! but for some reason i can't. i can hardly sleep at nights. i constantly wake up, and have weird dreams. noboby will ever see things the way i do. noboby will ever understand. i can be in a room full of people and feel loniler than anyone has ever felt, at times.

but the best part is, i fell in love. with nicholas adam barletta! we've had so many good times together and i couldn't even begin to explain. he stole my heart. everytime i see him it's like i'm falling in love again. i also lost my virginity to him, i wish we waited longer, but i love him. i was his first too, and i know it means something to him. i never want to be anywhere without him. we spend everyday together.

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