~*~It'S aLl Me~*~

I LOVE YOU, YOU'RE MY BESTFRIEND

tuesday morning, me and bridget woke up to bring mommy to the hospital. so she can get this surgery to make her stomach smaller. complications happend, her liver is too big, it's the first time the doctor ever had to abort the surgery because of this. i've never felt more bad, she wanted this surgery so bad, she was so excited, and thrilled for it. and the doctor couldn't do it. so when we finally got to go see her me and bridget told her. it was the hardest thing i've ever had to do. the dissapointment in her eyes ripped me apart. she hardly does anything for herself, and this one thing she wanted she couldn't get. [even though the doctor said she can diet to shrink the liver and he'll try again] she cried, i cried, and bridget cried. it was so hard on all of us. mommy tried blaming herself. and was extremly depressed. she felt as if it was her fault. plus she went through all that pain, and is going through the recovery for almost nothing. but i'm mad! she's trying to say i don't know how she feels. PSH PSH PSH, HAHA.. i know better than alot of people. try being 8, 2 tumors, ovarian cancer, cemo, no hair, physically drained, and emotionally. i have a scar about 6 inches vertical from my belly button to almost ...down there.... i also have one almost 3 inches under my left boob.  my mom has a cupple scars like the one under my boob, and they look gross. but that's nothing to what i've felt, or many other people. and all the "it's my fault" shit she's blowing in my face, do you not think that me getting cancer didn't make me think i did something wrong? because i blamed, myself, god, my mom, but who would have known? and you know what it turned out to be benifical. and i'm kinda happy, it showed me how strong i am. i just wished my mom realised she's strong too.  when she told me she wanted to give up i told her "what if grandad gave up? so quickly?" he wouldn't have proved the doctors wrong and lasted all those extra months. "what if i gave up?, i wouldn't be here!" and if she gives up, she's going to DIE! why doesn't she understand that. a liver the size she has is extremly unhealthy. but one good thing is, she doesn't want to smoke (:

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