Life is but a Dream

Subject: update and a wee rant
Time: 8:20:55 PM EST
Author:  unboundpoet

I freaked a little when I saw how long it's been since I posted an entry. I have been really absorbed in family matters and just haven't made the time! So here's a few updates:

Allison is home!!! She's been in the hospital since Thursday of last week. She was so pitiful after surgery. I felt sick when I first got to see her. She was scheduled for surgery at 10 am, but nothing was underway until 2 pm. She was left alone in pre-op for 5 hours. She was so irate that they had to send her fiancee in to keep her from leaving the hospital(Alison is ummm...one of those chicks that makes sure her concerns are voiced lol) After surgery, we were told we could see her in 3 hours. We didn't get to see her until 11 pm. Think here folks...we had been at the hospital since 8 am. We had to wait 15 hours to see her. Her surgery only took 2 and a half hours. That was the beginning of a very long week. Her mouth was so dry that her lips were sticking above her teeth. I asked the staff to please moisten her mouth. They never did, so I wet a washcloth and patted her lips to try and help. Even in her stupor she was trying to suck the washcloth. I begged for sponges that night. We got them at 9 the next morning. This set the trend for her stay. I stopped believing anything these folks told us.

At one point her bedrails were left down all night long. She was on the pump, which delivered Dilautid with each push(really strong stuff) and they were also giving her shots in her IV. It's a wonder she didn't fall out of bed, not to mention that she couldn't call a nurse. Another day a nurse refused to give her a bath because she had a yeast infection, and they had to send for someone else. Wtf? Her room was filthy. We found a pair of hemos on the floor covered in blood, as well as a bloody cup in her bathroom. Her IV pole thing was covered in dust, some white liquid and old blood. So many crappy things happened that I can't even begin to list it all.

The morning after her surgery, her fiance's car was vandalized in the parking lot of the hotel we were staying at. They bashed his windows in and stole his radio. My Dad's car was towed. It was a nightmare!

Moving on to brighter things...I got to bring her home yesterday and she is doing amazingly well. We had been told that they were going to do this laperoscopically, but when she came out she had an incision all the way across her upper belly. I counted 18 staples, plus there was the drain tube and the feeding tube. She still has the feeding tube but can eat just a little now. She is still really sore, but to see her now considering what she was...it's just awesome. She is walking some now too.

And by the way...my little niece or nephew is due on June 9.  She had an ultrasound last week, and the little booger was rubbing his/her arm acroos her face like a cat does with it's paw! My sister was so amazed to see how beautifully formed the little angel was already.

Well that just about sums most everything up I guess. I promise I will get my slack self over to other journals very soon!!

Love and light to you all.

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Subject: UPDATE
Time: 10:53:49 PM EDT
Author:  unboundpoet
Mood:  Chillin'
Music:  Hotel California, Eagles

So-I guess the biggest news is out, lol. My baby sister is FINALLY giving me what I have wanted for so long. She just found out on Tuesday the 12th, and is going to the doctor on November 3rd. She hasn't the slightest clue how far along she may be, but things have been off for 2 months, so maybe she is 8 weeks or so. Yippeeyay! Sorry, I am just too happy.

Other big news:

On Wednesday morning the 13th at 2:20am, I was blessed with getting to witness the birth of Marleigh Claire, third child of my best friend since the 6th grade. She had the easiest time delivering! This baby was coming out before she even started pushing. One push people. One. Now that's the way to have a baby. I had to cry, hearing her bleat her first breath of life. My other best friend is trying to get pregnant with her second, and all this baby stuff around me has my motherhood hormones in overdrive. Yes I have two already, but doesn't 3 seem like a really nice round number...?

Allison update:

She is scheduled for surgery on November 12. I have to thank everyone that has kept her close, because we learned that her surgery won't be so bad after all. Instead of removing the bottom portion, they are only going to re-route the place where the pancreas empties. Her recovery will be 3 months as opposed to 6, and the surgeon said without complications she will go home within 7 days! MUCH better than we were told previously. The folks at Duke really know their stuff. We have come from doom and gloom to a glimmer of hope. They have told us that even though its not curable, she has a good future ahead. She will inevitably become diabetic, but for the first time I truly believe she is going to be okay. Thanks, you guys.

I wanted to share some photos in honor of motherhood. Hope you like!

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Subject: Big News
Time: 5:50:01 PM EDT
Author:  unboundpoet
Mood:  Ecstatic

I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Subject: update, sorta
Time: 4:31:35 PM EDT
Author:  unboundpoet
Mood:  Chillin'

As you all saw, I didn't take my little one turning five very well. I cried the whole morning long! I am not ready for that part of life to be over. Cae said to me this afternoon," There are so many years left! "

It's not the same. I had my firstborn a month after I turned 20. She came along four years later, and I guess part of this is due to having the first so young. Many of my schoolmates are just starting their families. I have many days that I think of having another. It not possible now because we are basically broke, but I like to think there is a glimmer of hope in the future. I have family members that tell me I am too old. Surely I am not ready for the rocking chair, just turning 29 in November. Am I ?!

Many of you have asked about Allison. She is great for now. On the18 we will get more info about her upcoming surgery. Your kind thoughts and prayers will bring us far. I have read the studies about positive thought and prayer on the mind and body of a patient, and I tell you folks it's thoroughly convincing. I don't need a study to tell me that, but it is compelling to see the evidence in black an white. The hospital she will be admitted to has done extensive research into this and they are committed believers in the power of thought.

There is a man (his name escapes me just now) that did a study on the effects of words and prayer on frozen water molecules. Rocked my world, believe it. One batch of water had an excerpt from a book about the Holocaust taped to its jar and angry words were spoken over it. The other was blessed and prayed over, with kind thoughts and positive energy. One was black and murky while the other froze into gorgeous prism like fractals. Guess which? And the body being composed of mostly water.... you dig? So keep it coming from all directions, and if ever you need me I will lovingly do the same. Thinking of Val, Connie and Moonie just now.. you ladies and your health are on my happy thoughts list. Lovins!!

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Subject: birthdays-revised
Time: 10:51:43 PM EDT
Author:  unboundpoet
Mood:  Sad

Five Candles

The face that I had loved so well
lost in Nod's misty rivers
as I looked long by the railing
so utterly lost
in her

bowed serenely in larkish prayer.
The changeling was unaware
slipping through time's filmy chaplet
wreathed by fireflies and melody
she fell

into inevitable chrysalis.
Babyhood flickered
in that last exhale
Furled smoke emerged
ocean-eyed
flutterby.

I wept to wet her wings.

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Subject: over!
Time: 9:58:15 PM EDT
Author:  unboundpoet
Mood:  Chillin'

It's over! After all of these months, it's finally over. It was beautiful, and the bride was thoroughly pleased. I may have another wedding booked for next year, and joy of joys, it's Rennaissance! I have always wanted to do that. I am so tired, you guys. I worked my booty off. Now I can focus on getting my sister through all of this.

She did get to go out for a big night on the town with my other sister. I know they had fun-those two need a leash when they are out in public. Last year they went to the fair together when it was raining. Of course there weren't many folks there, so those dummies went running around holding hands from ride to ride. Once, my youngest sis went to the mall in a chicken suit just for the hell of it. They can take the most boring, mundane day and turn it into a magic carpet ride, which is only one of the reasons I love them so.

Thought I would give you a little peek of the wedding.

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Subject: stress
Time: 7:24:17 AM EDT
Author:  unboundpoet
Music:  morning news

I only have a minute but wanted my friends to know I will be back proper by Monday. Allison is already back from Duke. They re-scheduled the endoscopy for Oct.5 or something like that. She will be having surgery on the 16 or 18, which for sure I can't remember. They are going to cut her pancreas in half and get rid of the scar tissue, then re-route the tail of it into her intestine. According to the Dr., this is all that can be done for now but should afterwards reduce her pain. He said it would take about 6 months to recover. She is terrifiied.

Tomorrow I have to go and throw most of this wedding together. I will probably have to go back Friday, and then Sat. for sure.

I look forward to getting back. I hope this entry finds you all happy and well,. I will catch up on journals soon, I promise.

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Subject: doo-tee doo-tee doo
Time: 7:37:21 PM EDT
Author:  unboundpoet
Mood:  Chillin'
Music:  I am alone!! Yay!!! No sound at all!!!

Isn't that a pretty kitty? Thats my baby sis's cat, Boots. Thought I would introduce her. Boots, journaland-journaland, Boots. Now that we are properly aquainted...

There is an entry in Forlorn Reverie!! I swear it, I was just in there a second ago, lol. And true to my spastic self, it ain't even the one I was promising in an earlier entry. I have about 4 going at once right now, and this particular write just happened to strike my fancy today. Funny how these dry spells go. Just when the earth begins to crack a tsunami washes over and WHACK....a few new songs to sing. Or croak, but I love them...they are mine ; D

I  f i n a l l y  got to hear from a couple lost loved ones in the past few days. That was special. I had missed them badly, and you SO know who you are.Still have one little phantom spaz to catch, and I AM holding my breath, so you had better hurry with a quickness.

The wedding is approaching like a freight train. I have to purchase some stuff still. Thats no simple task considering how broke we are, but I cannot dwell on that today. The sky has been extraordinarily gorgeous, with Autumn falling around my shoulders like a cloak. My fave time of year, although each season casts its own spell. I have really neglected journals of late, not counting my own. Truly, I have done better than I ever thought in the beginning. If I don't spiffy things up I will likely not grab any new readers, but it is what it is. I offer my true self, warts and all, and those that love me love me, if ya catch my drift. I was glad to see Mel drop in, and I will be adding a link to her journal down below.

To those of you wondering, my sis goes to Duke next week. She has been well, and we won't have any further knowledge of her condition until then. Please keep her in your thoughts.

Some of you might know I practice Reiki. Now I am on to another healing system called Chios Energy Healing. I hope that I can help her, using these holistic approaches in conjunction with her regular treatment. I think the mind and spirit often gets neglected in modern treatment. Keep your fingers crossed.

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Subject: Creation, boredom, and brain farts
Time: 10:18:50 PM EDT
Author:  unboundpoet
Mood:  Quiet
Music:  TV blah, blah, blabbity-blah

Colorless photos for a colorless day. The rain I can handle. It's going without sunlight for a few days that plunges me into a funk. We didn't even get a thunderstorm out of the deal! I spent my entire day involved in quiet activities. I washed mountains of laundry, stared out of the window between loads, and ended the day by helping my husband with his Human Images and Biblical Perspectives paper.

He had to choose one of two creation stories in Genesis and write a reflection paper on how the account depicts God and humankind, as well as offering interpretations concerning the human image as created. That was as much fun as a bag of bricks, but it occupied my teeny brain for an hour or three.

We recieved three wrong number calls today. I thought something was strange about three in a day. I talked to the guy the last time the phone rang, and for some oddball reason, anytime someone tried to dial his number there was a message that his number had been changed to ours. Can't explain that one. He lives an hour away from us, but we share the same phone service. Who knows.

I am currently working on something to add to Forlorn Reverie. Sometimes when I write, my brain is assaulted by a barrage of words and images. I scribble some stuff on whatever I can find to write on, then I go back and make sense out of it. Most of the time I write at the speed of light, just flooding the plain of paper with whatever has posessed me at the time. I haven't looked at the scribbles since I wrote them last night.

Actually, I haven't seen them at all because it was black as pitch at 2:30 am. I am one of those wierd critters that sleeps with a pencil beside of the bed to "catch" my brain farts. When I get it all together I will let you know so you can check it out. LOL, I guess saying that I am working on this is really a misrepresentation of my process, but I don't know what else to call it.

I hope you guys aren't as bored as I am.::big dramatic sigh::

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Time: 5:36:10 PM EDT
Author:  unboundpoet
Mood:  Chillin'
Music:  Dark Side of the 80's medley

The hurricane has finally made it overhead, and we have rain aplenty. Looks as if it will rain for the next 4 days, and they are expecting us to get about 8 inches or so. Seems our Fla. relatives escaped mainly unscathed but have been out of power for a while. I am grateful they didn't get the worst of it.

 I got a short story from one of my pals in Winston and I would like to share it with you all. He is always sending me bits and pieces to examine. I thought I would post it to get some reaction from others. SOME OF THIS IS A TAD EXPLICIT, so if you are easily offended TURN BACK NOW lololol. Remember that this is a complete work.

Angels are born black, then bloodied

 

 

I sit here in my apartment trying to think of what needs most to be said. There’s not much time. Cops’ll be here soon. Eluding them is not the problem. My life has been lived decidedly outside the system. I can disappear and there’ll be nothing to track me by. No credit cards. No checking accounts. No nothing.

 

But this needs saying. A first person account needs to survive for a day like this.

 

.Life had lost all meaning. Lost every bit of its shape. I just didn’t care anymore.

I had no investment in this world or way of life. Not a shred or fiber of my being cared for things like good or evil anymore. I had been whittled down honed and refined to a perfect razor’s edge. Just made for cutting and that’s all.

 

I wanted to see how good I could be at it. Picked my target and I was off.

 

It wasn’t random that I chose her. It was a test of one of my old weaknesses.

Pretty girls.

 

And she was pretty. To see her in person, you wouldn’t know this but beyond the spit and polish of the stage. All the makeup people working on her. You’d think for her to require that much up front work she’d have to be pretty flawed in the light of day.

But no, she was plenty beautiful just the way God made her.

 It started out as just a psychological puzzle. How hard would it be? What would I need?

Could I actually get away with it?

 

You know what they say about the weak link. It’s true. You look at any operation there’s one guy in there who’s heart’s only half in it. Either due to some baggage in his or her own past. Job related stress. General irritation with a higher up or maybe the actual object of their protection. Doesn’t matter, effect is the same. And I’m in.

 

You might think that this being a test of my royal badness would equate “too easy” with “not good”. Nah. It’s just not the case. And I’ll tell you why. The test isn’t all the hurdles in between me and her. That’s just noise. The test is standing there over her and just ending her. I’m kinda old school in my deference to women. Always had this protective instinct for even the worst of them.

 

I guess it was like 3 hours ago I arrived and was let in the back way. It felt like a Saturday. The way the neighborhood was so quiet. Everything just still and serene. Here I was about to disturb it all…for just a second.

 

Other people, I guess if they were going to do this they’d want to do her first. Do her, that is in the sexual sense. I wouldn’t have minded it. But I came her with a purpose beyond shooting a load in the pop star’s enchanted twat.

 

I took the tour of the house. It was so quiet I wondered if someone had beaten me to it.

 

I walked across the living room floor eyeing a doorway that gave me the distinct vibe of bedroom. Clothes strewn on the floor. The side of a dresser that as I approached I could make out a makeup mirror and matching paraphernalia lying on top. I stepped to the door and looked inside. The room was done all in white. And her covers lay crumpled up at the food of the bed. She was hugging the sheet and in turn it was sorta hugging her back. It mighta been fucking her too. But if so, her bliss was a decidedly quiet one. I walked up so I was standing right behind her. Her perfect little ass all exposed. The she looked up at me.

 

“hi” she said like I had just come back from the store. I nodded in reply.

 

“I’m just going to lay here until you’re ready.” She wiped her eyes “I won’t fight. I’ll do whatever you say.” She then rolled over away from her lover’s embrace. The sheet fell off and exposed her perfect little 22year old body. She wasn’t even conscious of it I don’t think.

 

“Just make sure it’s done before you go” I adjusted to this turn of events much quicker than I would’ve thought. I wanted to be a writer once upon a time. Always with one foot in the world, the other watching from outside. Maybe that explains it.

 

I nodded in agreement to her terms. But I sat down for a moment and just looked at her.

Not softening like I thought I would. Like maybe part of me hoped I would. I just watched. Hoping maybe to learn something. She rolled back over facing away from me.

 

“My whole life was about becoming, you know? It was beauty pageants leading to commercials. Commercials leading to TV. TV leading to this. My whole life, there’s always been something more just over the horizon. Some new me out there just waiting to be. Life was this…adventure. I couldn’t wait to see what would happen next.” She looked back a little over her shoulder. But not far enough to see me.

 

“But the other day it hit me, this is who I am. No more new me’s. Just this forever.”

 

I remembered all the things I would have said. All the Pollyanna crap about endless possibilities and all that. But I just sat quiet.

 

“My whole world is about me being what they want me to be. They won’t let me be anything else.” She was sitting now with her legs draped off to the side. Holding her face in her hands. She was quietly crying. But just a little and just for a moment.

 

She got up and walked over to me and stood there holding the sheet against her like a shield. I beckoned her to sit on my lap and she did. Wrapping her arms around me like I was her Dad come to save her. And I brushed her hair away from her face like I was just exactly that. Her skin and the way she smelled…I was moved.  She buried her face in my chest and said

 

“Now, please.”

It made a small pop and the smoke rose visibly from my closed hand. Tiny little gun. Tiny little hole. We sat there like the umpteenth homage to the Pieta, Hollywood style.

All topical and shit. The star and her stalker. Brittany and George.

~ Don M.

 

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