A Vagabond Loving Life

Subject: Dreams
Time: 7:55:29 AM EDT
Author:  vagabondevermore
Mood:  Happy
Music:  I'm No Good by Amy Winehouse

I had a dream a couple of days ago I can't seem to forget. This is odd, because I never even remember my dreams.

In my dream, my mother and I were driving somewhere. We were in an accident and ended up in the water. As you know, it is easy to become disoriented when you have an accident in the water. My mother can't swim either. So I was looking for the air bubble to orient myself. There were no air bubbles coming from my mouth, but I could see them rising from my mom's. So, I grabbed he hand and motioned up; letting her know I would help her swim up out of the water. She pushed me away, started swimming up and left me for dead.

My mother and I haven't spoke for almost a year. And I don't care if we ever speak again. She is poison. She hurts everyone that is around her. She has made it her life goal to make my life miserable. And on top of all that, she is a control freak.

The dream signified her true disregard for me; that she left me for dead a long time ago.

Anyone that knows about dreams, please feel free to comment.


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Subject: Love Really is the Answer
Time: 11:40:31 AM EDT
Author:  vagabondevermore
Mood:  Loopy
Music:  I Ran - Flock of Seagulls


"Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart."             ~Marcus Aurelius

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Subject: Tuesday Twelve
Time: 9:41:34 AM EDT
Author:  vagabondevermore
Mood:  Loopy
Music:  Here By Me - Three Doors Down

Social....going out meeting new people, talking and getting to know them.

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Subject: Color Survey
Time: 9:51:26 AM EDT
Author:  vagabondevermore
Mood:  Happy

What would our world be without color? It would be aesthetically unpleasing to see everything in black and white.

What is your favorite color? Black

How does the color orange make you feel? Happy, like I want to visit a tropical island

If you could dye your hair any color, what would it be? I just don’t know.

What color car do you drive? Black

What color are your eyes? Brown/Black

What is your best friends' favorite color? Red

If love was a color, what would it be? White

Do you own any black pets? I have a black and white cat and a black, white and gray cat.

What does the color of your bedroom remind you of? Coffee with cream

What was the color of your first car? Candy Apple Red

Are all babies born with blue eyes? Something about pigmentation

Why is the sky blue? God made it that color

What color hair is your favorite on the opposite sex? Doesn’t matter

Do you wear white or colored socks? I love VERY colorful socks

Does black go with everything? Absolutely

What color jelly beans are your favorite? Orange and Green

What is the color of your birthstone? Red (Garnet)

Are you superstitious of black cats? No, they are wonderful pets.

Are green-eyed people smarter? No, but green eyes are pretty.

Do you own any pink stuffed bears? No way.

What was the color of your 1st baby blanket? Pink and white, I still have it.

Have you ever painted your finger nails black? Yes

Should women wear bright RED lipstick? Sure, no problem with that.

Do REAL men wear pink? If their skin color goes well with pink, why not.

                                         


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Subject: Somewhere Between Alabama and North Carolina
Time: 4:54:24 PM EDT
Author:  vagabondevermore
Mood:  Quiet

I just returned from a visit to Huntsville, Alabama. Huntsville is a very diverse city, with a population of about 100,000 but it doesn’t fill crowded.  I wanted to share some of the pictures I took from the plane. I thought they were pretty. I hope you enjoy them.
The view from take off in Raleigh, NC.


                               
                                   Somewhere between here and there.



Georgia on my mind.....

                                                                     
                                                                 The angel watching over Huntsville, AL


Goin' to Carolina in my Mind.






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Subject: That Still Small Voice and Lies
Time: 2:41:12 PM EDT
Author:  vagabondevermore
Mood:  Sad
Music:  The ceiling fan

It’s been awhile since I have put my words on the page. I wasn’t sure they were worth reading. However, I believe there are many who have experienced the same phenomena, I am experiencing now. It is that still small voice, it’s that gut feeling; it’s all those things inside telling you to not make the same mistake again.

I consider myself to be a very tolerant person and am working at becoming more tolerant of people and their difference. I try to understand why people think the way they do and why they do some of the things they do.

But there are times when there are no explanations. At times it is only a person doing what they have to do, to get what they want. You might say this person is self-serving. There are times when I revert back to my old self and let this type of person take advantage of me. I allow them into my life and allow them to use me.

Still, I am not a victim. I am a strong woman and will rise like the phoenix from the ashes. One day that old self will no longer have the ability to rise up and I will be strong everyday.

One day, I will be able to see through the thin façade. One day I will be able to looking into the smiling face but see what lies beneath; the lies. Lies only serve to hurt the person breaking the trust and the person being lied to. It's a game that NO one wins. Until then, I will listen to that still small voice, that gut feeling; I will not let history repeat itself.
                        

                   No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar.   
                                           ~Abraham Lincoln



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Subject: Had a Bad Day
Time: 12:12:11 AM EDT
Author:  vagabondevermore
Mood:  Frustrated

It has been a very difficult day for me. I have had so many good days; I guess I have been caught off guard by a day this challenging. I found out some things about a couple of friends that surprised me. I haven’t sorted through the information yet. I have always used music to deal with things, when I couldn’t find the word to deal with it myself.


It’s Not Me by 3 Door Down

Never mind the face you put on
In front of me
Never mind the pain
That you've put me through

And every little thing you say
And every little thing you do
Makes me doubt all of this

Look what you did
Is this who you wanted me to be?
Well it's not me


An old friend contacted me today after several months of absence. It was a nice surprise. We visited for awhile. Somehow, I knew the ending would be the same, so I didn’t let it begin.

Here By Me by 3 Doors Down

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
'Cause I'm not doing so good without you
The things I thought you'd never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood
So how could I have been so blind for all these years
I guess I only see the truth through all this fear of living without you


I can’t take another day without you
'Cause, baby, I could never make it on my own
I've been waiting so long just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong
I'm sorry I can't always find the words to say
But everything I've ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

I was talking to a find on the phone tonight. He is somewhat disillusions with his life for not having found the love of his life. That’s when I sprang on him that I don’t believe in love in the context of marriage. I believe you can love and care about people. But I am not sure “Happily Ever After” exist.

Mean people suck. I met my share of them today.


What Goes Around….Comes Around Justin Timberlake

I just can't seem to understand
Thought it was me and you babe
Me and you until the end
But I guess I was wrong

Don't want to think about it
Don't want to talk about it
I'm just so sick about it
Can't believe it's ending this way

But that's okay baby 'cause in time you will find

What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

Let me paint this picture for you, baby

You spend your nights alone
And he never comes home
And every time you call him
All you get's a busy tone
I heard you found out
That he's doing to you
What you did to me
Ain't that the way it goes



Nobody’s Listening by Linkin Park

But in the meantime there are those who wanna
Talk this and that
So I suppose it gets to a point
Feelings gotta get hurt
And get dirty with the people spreading the dirt

Tomorrow will be a better day. Maybe I will awaken with some kind of understanding of my discoveries. I will not jump to any conclusions. I will be patient, I will wait and see what transpires and make my decisions accordingly. I am still the wise, confident, beautiful woman I was yesterday.



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Subject: My Turn
Time: 12:14:53 AM EDT
Author:  vagabondevermore
Mood:  Happy
Music:  The ceiling fan

Princess Aurora at Carpe Diem started this, and I picked it up from Jude at http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay

     Okay, join me in a game. Ask me 3 questions in my comment spot. 2.In your journal, recommend a movie, an artist, and a musical artist or album. 3, Invite people to ask you 3 questions in your comment spot. 4. Answer the questions you asked in my journal. 5. In another entry, add the questions you were asked in your comment section. We'll get to know each other just a little better than we did yesterday. 

      Okay, please recommend:

     1. A movie    -   I am actually quite picky about movies. I few and purchase even fewer. My recommendation would be between two movies: Shawshank Redemption with Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman. This movie is not for the weak of heart. It's based in a prison, so lots of cursing and such. But it is about HOPE and how sometimes we are afraid to hope.  My second choice is As Good As It Gets with Jack Nicholson and Helen. It's a choice about overcoming. One of courage, learning tolerance and learning how to love.

     2. An artist (books or comics) - My favorite artist is Salvador Dali. Very eccentric but beautiful work.

     3. A musical artist, song, or album   -  I love lots of music. It soothes my very soul. The latest CD I bought was "I'm Not Dead" by Pink. There is some pop sounds, but Dear Mr. President makes quite a political statement. And Pink also performs a song with her father Jim Moore a song that he wrote about the Vietnam War.

      Now ask me three questions in the comment section, and I will do my best to answer in another entry. 

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Subject: Busy Summer Days
Time: 6:53:58 PM EDT
Author:  vagabondevermore
Mood:  Happy
Music:  Radar Love by Golden Earring

It has been an amazing week. Busy! Meg got out of school this week. We have been to the pool twice already. A fun ask me to design a flyer for a church function. I made a new friend and have been spending time getting to know him.

I made flight reservations to meet with my ex for a few days before my daughter and I travel to see him. Thankfully we have developed a friendship, but I need to make sure everything is kosher before my daughter gets into the situation.

I am also helping a friend place some foreign exchange students all over the United States. I have had the opportunity to talk with some very interesting people this past week. And have been able to line up homes for four international students. If you guys know anyone that might be interested in hosting a student, please let me know. We still have a lot of kids that need homes.

I hope everyone is doing well. I love summer. Even though it is very busy, I love sitting on my deck, watching the grass grow, hearing the birds sing and hoping for rain.


I hope everyone has a great week! Don't forget to laugh, smile at a stranger and tell someone you love them.






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Subject: You Break It, You Buy It!
Time: 1:34:33 PM EDT
Author:  vagabondevermore
Mood:  Happy
Music:  A Song for Mama by Boyz II Men

I usually write something everyday regardless if it makes it into a blog or journal entry. This particular story was written in early March. I hope you enjoy it.

The day started much like any other day, I awakened with a headache. But, I had medication to take for the headache. My neurologist had prescribed a medication called Topomax. I like to refer to it as Dopomax. This is a mean drug we are talking about. Not only does it prohibit your mind from processing any information, the drug also has some bad, bad side effects. Just to list a few: nausea, dizziness, vomiting, and my personal favorite - headaches.

At this time I had been on Dopomax for a little more than a month. Each day I took the medication, I felt worse instead of better. But on this fateful day; I looked at my best friend, Karen and said five words that will live on forever; "Let's get into some trouble." Knowing how badly I had felt, she quickly agreed.

              

We pondered for a moment, questioning the direction we would take. We decided to go walking around the antique stores in Downtown Asheboro. I do not collect antiques, I just like the feeling the stores give me. I guess you might call it reminiscence; a feeling of wanting to go back to a simpler time. So Karen and I ventured out into the world.

The moment I opened the door to the antique shop; I could smell nostalgia. My vision was flooded with memories of my grandmother's house. All around me were butter crocks and churns, cane-bottom chairs, and Depression glass. I was in a euphoric state made possible only by this store and my memories. We all know how fleeting memories can be after years have gone by. On this day, the memories of my grandma were very strong.

As I walked through the store, I found myself touching certain items that related to my memories. Touching nostalgia made it take on a certain life. I could remember how it felt to sit in my grandmother's lap. At this point you have figured out, I really love walking through antique stores. And I really loved my grandmother.

In hindsight I can now say this is where the trouble started. Near the back of the store was one of the old gas heaters; it blew heat straight down. The heat was making my nausea return, so I decided I needed to go to the other side of the store.

The next thing I remember a woman was screaming "Are you alright?" I looked up at the unfamiliar face and just put my head back on the floor. I could not figure out who this strange woman was yelling at me. The next time I looked up; I saw the worried face of my friend, Karen.

I was trying to sit up, of course I had gotten the attention of everyone in the store, so several people were standing around me. I was finally able to get up into a chair. It was then I saw the sign that said "You break it, you buy it! I pointed the sign out to Karen, our eyes met and we laughed. It was one of those moments when laughter overcomes the tears.  Karen sit patiently while I regained enough strength to leave the store, meanwhile she found and read from poetry books on the shelf close to us.

We left the store with a $10 leather office chair and 2 wooden cats, one of which has only one eye. I decided to leave it that way. When I see it now, the memories all flood back of the sign that made us laugh through the hard times - "You break it, you buy it."


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