Joy In The Rain

Costello Calls To Buy A Computer From Abbott

ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store.  Can I help you?
 
COSTELLO: Thanks.  I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer.  I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why?  Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know.  What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows.  I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No.  On the computer!  I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business?  What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office.  Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows!  OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal?  What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers?  What about financial bookkeeping?  You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOT T: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right.  What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes.  No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer?  How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not?  THEY OWN IT!

A few days later...

ABBOTT: Super Duper Computer Store.  Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START"....

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The Images of a Mom

4 YEARS OF AGE
My Mommy can do anything!

8 YEARS OF AGE
My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!

12 YEARS OF AGE
My Mother doesn't really know quite everything.

14 YEARS OF AGE
Naturally, Mother doesn't know that, either!

16 YEARS OF AGE
Mother? She's hopelessly old-fashioned.

18 YEARS OF AGE
That old woman? She's way out of date!

25 YEARS OF AGE
Well, she might know a little bit about it.

35 YEARS OF AGE
Before we decide, let's get Mom's opinion.

45 YEARS OF AGE
Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?

75 YEARS OF AGE
Wish I could talk it over with Mom.

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Rodney Dangerfield

some of Rodney Dangerfield's best lines...

"A girl phoned me the other day and said...
'Come on over, there's nobody home.'
  I went over.  Nobody was home."

"My father carries around the picture of the kid
who came with his wallet."

"My mother had morning sickness -
after I was born."

"My wife made me join a bridge club.
I jump off next Tuesday."

"I worked in a pet shop and people
kept asking how big I'd get."

"I remember the time I was kidnapped
and they sent a piece of my finger to my father.
  He said he wanted more proof."

"Once when I was lost... I saw a policeman
and asked him to help me find my parents.
  I said to him... 'Do you think we'll ever find them?'
  He said, 'I don't know kid... there are so many
places they can hide.'"

"I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed
a bottle of sleeping pills.  My doctor told me
to have a few drinks and get some rest."

Do you have a favorite line?  Which one?

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The Blonde and The Lottery

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble.  Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits.  She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help.  She begins to pray... "God, please help me.  I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well.  Please let me win the lottery."
 
Lottery night comes and somebody else wins.

She again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery!  I've lost my business, my house, and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me?  I've lost my business, my house, and my car.  My children are  starving.  I don't often ask You for help, and I've always been a good servant to You.  PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the Heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the voice of The Almighty, Himself...

     "Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket."

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Bible Verses and Quotes on Adversity

"We can rejoice, too, when we
run into problems and trials, for we know
that they help us develop endurance."
- Romans 5:3

“'... My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness.'
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly
of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ
may rest upon me."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9

“The harder the conflict, the more
glorious the triumph.”
- Thomas Paine

“Adversity is the diamond dust that
heaven polishes it's jewels with.”
- Robert Leighton

“Adversity is sometimes hard upon a man;
but for one man who can stand prosperity there
are a hundred that will stand adversity.”
- John Keats

“Friendship, of itself a holy tie,
Is made more sacred by adversity.”
- Charles Caleb Colton

“Kites rise highest against
the wind not with it.”
- Winston Churchill

Do you have a favorite quote or verse?

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I am so very sorry this entry didn't work yesterday.  Something was going
wrong and I couldn't fix it.  Sorry for the multiple alerts.  I do hope you
enjoy these!  Val =)

Quotes on Autumn

"For man, autumn is a time of harvest,
of gathering together.  For nature, it is a time
of sowing, of scattering abroad."
- Edwin Way Teale

"Delicious autumn!  My very soul is wedded to it,
and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth
seeking the successive autumns."
- George Eliot

"I cannot endure to waste anything as precious as
autumn sunshine by staying in the house.  So I spend
almost all the daylight hours in the open air."
- Nathaniel Hawthorne

"Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor,
summer an oil painting,
and autumn a mosaic of them all."
- Stanley Horowitz

"Then summer fades and passes and October comes.
We'll smell smoke then, and feel an unexpected
sharpness, a thrill of nervousness, swift elation,
a sense of sadness and departure."
- Thomas Wolfe

"Autumn is a second spring when
every leaf is a flower."
- Albert Camus

Do you have a favorite Autumn quote?  Which one?

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I do not know the author of this or I would give credit.  I love the message.
Enjoy...

Lasting Joy!

The best moments you have ever known are still with you.
All the happiness and joy you have ever experienced is a part of you.
Indeed, it lives in you.  Circumstances most certainly change,
 from moment to moment, but the good things which you've known
 never go away.  Deep down inside, you are still the same person you
 were on the happiest day you've ever experienced.
And deep down inside is where things truly matter.

Joy is cumulative and persistent.  Think of a happy
time and you are happy.  The world will often
attempt to drag you down and when it does,
summon the power of your happiness.  Think of the
best moments you have ever known.  They are
still with you.  And there are many more to come.

Joy is more than the pleasure of the moment. 
It is an affirmation that life is very much worth living.
It may sometimes get covered up, but it never has
to go away.  Keep it with you and add to it all that
you can.

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 The Duck

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.  The bar man looks at him and says, "Hang on!  You're a duck!"

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" excitedly exclaims the bar man.

"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck, "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that," says the bar man as he pulls the duck's pint.  "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub.  What are you doing 'round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck.  "I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted bar man cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag, then proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day, and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him, "You're with the circus, aren't you?  Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus.  He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous!!' says the ringmaster, handing over his business card.  "Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck.  "Where is it?"

"At the circus," says the barman.

"The circus?" repeats the duck.

"That's right," replies the barman.

"The circus?" the duck asks again.  "That place with the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" asks the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says --

"What the heck would they want with a plasterer?!?!"

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A shy Guy

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar.

After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, very tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted quietly with you for awhile?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!!"

Everyone in the bar turns and stares at them.

Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.  She smiles and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you.  You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean, $700?!"

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