A Contradiction in Terms ... Ingenue

So much to say!  Where do I begin?

It's been a very long time since my last update, and I've heard from quite a lot of you that I should make an entry.  As it's late and I'm very tired, this won't be long or by any means comprehensive, but I'll try to fill you all in the best I can.

 

Last December Jeremy had gotten out of the Navy with an Honorable Discharge and had gotten a job in Southwestern VA.  We lived in town for six months and then bought our first house, out in the country, complete with a farm across the street with numerous cows and right in the Appalachian Mountains.  It's an odd little house that's easy to get lost in, and I think it's only held together with spider webs, but it's ours and we like it.  It has three bedrooms, one of which is our study, one bath, a huge kitchen, and enclosed porch, a dining room, and about an acre of land.  It needs a lot of work, but we're willing to put forth what's necessary.  But we don't plan on living here long; perhaps around three years, if not sooner.  We just moved in in July, but we're still nowhere near being unpacked.

In March my parents decided they couldn't take care of Lily anymore, and so Lily moved back in with me. So now it's me, Jeremy and Lily: I finally have my own family!  Jeremy works at a factory that makes rubber for car parts as the main maintenance and electrical guy, and I play housewife during the day.  Lily's in the 3rd grade now... growing up so fast!  She's having a little bit of a hard time right now because people around here are very close-minded and her being half-Chinese doesn't help her that much.  Neither does the attitude she picked up from my parents.  But she's working hard at undoing the damage that was done and is learning to move onwards and upwards.

My back is still a mess, so I spend a good deal of time in bed.  But I still manage to keep the house in pretty good shape, spend time with Lily, and get various other things done.  I handle all the family paperwork and phone calls, which usually takes up most of my day.  That and taking care of Lily.

On August 19th, Lily and I were in a car accident which totalled my car.  I was devastated.  My car meant so much to me: she was always there for me when I needed her, and she represented the freedom I so desperately wanted and needed at certain points in my life.  We're having her towed back here to the house in a couple of days, and we'll either save up to get her fixed, or sell her for parts.  Since then I've gotten a 1993 Jeep Grand Wagoneer, and we've gotten a 1985 Chevy van (on top of Jeremy's Camaro).  We're definitely going to fit in in our new neighborhood!  It seems like in the country everyone has five cars in their yard.

This weekend we went on our first family vacation.  We went up to Manassas yesterday for my monthly doctor appointment, then drove down to New Market and stayed the night there.  Then we went to Endless Caverns and spent a good part of the day there, and then drove home.  It was wonderful!  It felt so good to finally be the adult during a family vacation.  We really felt like a family, which is hard to do in our situation.

Now we're gearing up for Halloween.  We have 3+ storage crates full of decorations, as well as my trunk which is full.  It's going to be absolutely rad!  We've got bodies and bones sticking out of the ground, flying ghouls, lights, streamers, flying bats, tons of candles and tombstones, and lots and lots of spider webs.  This year is going to rawk!  We're starting up tomorrow.

That's all for now.  I'll fill in the gaps as I get going back to journaling again.

 

I hope you all enjoyed the update!

Mwah!!

whsprdphsh at 12:24:47 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

I've decided that since I have so much to catch you all up on, that I would break them into separate entries, for your ease of reading and my ease of writing.  So I'll start with October and November and work from there.

After the date in October when I was stood up and then still went out with the guy, a male friend (who is now my Handfasted Partner... kind of like a husband, only it's not Christian) with whom I'd been chatting for over a year tricked me into asking him out for Halloween.  That much and the beginning of our relationship was written about in November.  Also previously mentioned was the situation with my parents where I was locked in our basement (no windows) to where I was only able to see Lily for an hour in the morning and couldn't leave.  The abuse was at an all time high, I was in ever-mounting pain, and my mental state was going downhill big time.  Now for the new:

After my parents told me Lily and I had to leave, Jeremy (my partnet) invited me to move in to his apartment.  So about two weeks into our dating relationship, I moved down to King George Co., the next county down from my parents, but still an hour and a half drive.  Lily stayed living with my parents b/c we don't have room for her here and I wanted her to finish out the school year at the same school as she will be changing next year (more on that later), also, as nuts as they are, they provide more stability than I was able to give her at that point, mentally.  So I moved down here to take a sabatical.

Since moving in down here, I've gone off all my meds but two mood stabilisers, an antipsychotic, and an inhaler (with narcotic pain meds as needed);  that's down from being on 25 (literally) before I left.  Jeremy has given me the love and stability I so needed.  He's supported me through the couple rough spots, and ever since I moved in my mental condition has been wonderful (but not manic wonderful).  I've had my first period of remission, and I feel normal for the first time in my life.  I'm not trapped in my head anymore; *I* control my thoughts and actions now (with some minor exceptions) and life is incredibly more liveable.  I've never been so at peace.  We're in a second floor apartment, so we have a deck which is (pardon the pun) decked with window boxes with various flowers in them, as well as numerous planters.  It's my own little sacred space: for relaxation, meditation, and of course, smoking.

We live less than a half mile to the Navy base gate (as Jeremy's in the Navy) in a fairly nice neighborhood; not top of the line, but not the ghetto either.  They even gave me a 6' x 18' plot of land to use as a garden which I am getting to tomorrow.  Jeremy's Navy now, but his enlistment ends on November 11th (or something), and his leave starts in September, so we'll be moving as he'll have to find a new job.  At that point, Lily will be moving back in with me.  For now, I just see her on weekends (which costs us $60 in gas each time), but this time away from my parents has benefitted me mentally in enourmous ways.

So now I have a little house to call my own, with a charming pseudo-husband, a lovely porch and a garden coming soon.

So good news all around.  Lots more details to fill you all in on, but I'm tired, so it'll have to wait.

I would appreciate it that if you read this journal, you leave a comment (even if it's just "I was here") so I can gauge who all are still reading me.  I'd like to see some more familiar names.

I'm happy and as healthy as I get, and I think that's the best news I can give you all.


whsprdphsh at 12:10:46 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 9 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Anyone who has ever enjoyed my journal in the past MUST follow this link (which can also be found on the bar on the right under Ill Will Press and Friends of Foamy):

http://www.friendsoffoamy.com/index.php?id=302

I highly recommend starting with episode 62 and then proceeding to episode 60.  The Ill Will Press site is it's main home, under "Neurotically Yours" and includes the most recent Foamies, which are updated fairly frequently.

Absolutely hilarious, absolutely.  But if you don't have the stomach for straight-laced satire, then I wouldn't bother... he'll just piss you off.

 

"You will all feel my squirrelly wrath!!" -Foamy

 

Anyway, take a few and check it out... it's worth it.  And please, spread the word and join the cult.

 

whsprdphsh at 8:03:31 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

(Just thought I'd add a cute picture of me)

Yes, entry still planned, but I'm working out the details with Jeremy.  Former readers will recall my honesty policy in here, in that:  I don't hold back.  So he will be talked about.  So, we're working out how he feels about it and whether or not I can consider making entries while holding back.  Personally, my journal on here was made as my personal journal and I write what most people would put in their diaries, but I have him to consider, so....

Until that's worked out, here's a little song for you, with the hopes that those of you who know Simon & Garfunkel will have the song stuck in your head all day (MUAHAHAHAHA!!!).

 

"Slow down, you're moving too fast.
You got to make the moment last,
Just kickin' down the cobblestones;
Lookin' for fun and feelin' groovy.

Bada ba da-da da-da, feelin' groovy.

Hello Lampost, whatcha knowin'?
I've come to watch your flowers growin'.
Ain't you got no time for me?

Do-it do-do-do, feelin' groovy.

Bada ba-da da da-da-da-da, feelin' groovy.

I've got no deeds to do and no promises to keep;
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep,
Let the morningtime drop all her petals on me...

Life I love you...

All is groovy....

Ba-da-da ba-da-da-da bah-da dee-dee
(skip some ba's and dee's)
Ba-da ba-da ba-da dum."

-S&G

whsprdphsh at 7:55:54 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 1 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

This is just to say....

 

I TOLD YOU I'D MAKE AN ENTRY TODAY!!!!

 

Actually, I have a very lengthy one (indeed!) planned out, but have just been called out the door (yes, I leave the house now... and it's a different house too!!  One that does not include my parents!!!!), so I can't do it now.  But I'm a woman of my word (pun intended), so I knew I had to put something down.

 

So much to share with you all.  I've missed you so much and from all the letters I've received, it seems you miss me too.

 

So, stay tuned... a real entry will follow shortly with TONS of juicy TMI.

 

 

whsprdphsh at 3:46:34 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 3 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

No matter how I may wish for a coffin so clean,
Or the trees to undress all their leaves unto me;
I put my faith in the dirt and then finally I see
The sky that has been avoiding me.

Saying, "Time, take us forward, relief from this longing",
They can land that plane on my heart, I don't care.
Just give me November, the warmth of a whisper
And the freezing darkness of my room...

No matter what I would do in attempt to replace
All these pills that I take try to balance my brain.
I see the curious girl with the look on her face-
So surprised, she stares out from her display case.

-C.O.


whsprdphsh at 8:58:56 PM EST Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 0 comments: Add your own

So that's Jeremy.  Apparently 3 years ago in Bahrain.  But it retains the general idea.

I'm going to attempt not to be sickening or gush, but I'll be honest and say it won't be easy.

He's the absolute antithesis of what I generally look for and have gone for.  I usually go for skinny, girly, emo/indie/hipster boys with dark hair and blue eyes.  They tend to let me take the more aggressive role.  And I had an "absolute" rule that I'd NEVER date anyone in the military.

Jeremy's in the navy.  Blonde hair, brown eyes, built like a man and acts like a man.  He can make decisions on his own and puts me in my place when I need to be put there.  He's into alternative and rock (which I've grown out of) and I have yet to convert him to prog or indie.  We're polar opposites down to our view of the meaning of the universe. 

We complement each other quite well and have only really pissed each other off once (mutually that is... I'm quite sure I've irked him by accident.  That's what happens when you don't know when to keep your mouth shut. [See last quote on top of page] ).

I've gone off one of my anti-depressants b/c it totally killed my sex drive, and with the exception of one day (see last entry), things have been good.  I've countered it with upping my amphetamines.  Seems to be working, although I'm edging on hypomanic.  Hypomanic is ok.  Hypermanic is not.  Gotta keep myself in check.  Lowered the anti-psychotics to be more receptive to energies and such.  Not too much of a change.  Just coupled with the effects of not being on the anti-depressant, things are a little... um... well, things are good.

I'll make a real entry eventually.  Too busy being wrapped up in my love life right now to think about anything productive.  Atleast, mentally productive.  :-)

 

 

whsprdphsh at 9:59:16 AM EST Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

I've forgotten myself.  I should've known better.

I hope I wake up tomorrow and never remember today.


whsprdphsh at 11:03:34 PM EST Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

I've realised I've been so busy philosophising that I've forgotten to update my real-world situation.

A while back I mentioned that my parents and I decided that it was time for Lily and I to go.  Unfortunately, having an income of much less than a grand a month leaves me with no choice but to use subsidised housing or section 8.  If you know anything of subsidised housing, you'll know that it doesn't provide for the best environment.  Plus, the list is 2-3 years long.  I'm on it, but it will be a while before I see anything happen.  The section 8 list is closed indefinitely.  Looks like I'm not the only recipient of welfare in this state.  Maybe if that cocksucker Clinton hadn't fucked with our social services system, things would be a little different.  But that's getting political, and Lord knows no one reading this wants me to get political. 

So what my parents and I decided is that I rent out the basement and we're pretending we live 2 blocks away.  I can't go up there unless I'm invited.  Of course, they can come down here whenever they want, but that's beside the point.  Atleast I have a chain on the door to lock it shut when I have company.  My mom gets Lily in the afternoon, my Dad in the evening, and me in the morning.  So of course I get Lily up extra early so we have some time together.  It's trying, but it's better than things were before.

Last week I pulled a stupid stunt and ended up with two dates with two different boys.  One on Friday, one on Monday.  Boy 1 stood me up on the previous Friday, and being the person I am, I went out with him the next friday.  Total hipster, nice duds, interesting enough, good chemistry.  But he's a bit flighty.  Boy 2 I met on OkCupid (I think) a little over a year ago.  For a good part of the year our schedules conflicted so we didn't get to talk too much, but we started up again about a month ago.  I got tricked into asking him out, so we went out on Halloween; me as a fairy and he as a pirate.  We took the Metro to DC, had lunch in Chinatown and then went to the zoo.  He didn't leave until pretty late and we've been hanging out a good deal since.  We click a lot better than boy 1, so out of respect for boy 2, I've written off boy 1.  (Pictures will be provided as soon as I get my stupid photo printer/dock to work)

At least now there's some magick back in my life.


whsprdphsh at 3:10:31 PM EST Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 4 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Ok, I have a question for all of you.  I've spent most of today working with differential geometry and reading about spatial relativity and I still can't figure this thing out.  I've exhausted all immediate resources.  I'm going to go insane if I have to live without knowing the answer to this.  So anyway, here it is:   A circle and a line(vector) are placed next to each other so that they touch.  As the circle is round, they can only touch on one point and only one point.  However, a point has length/area/etc. so no matter how small you make the point the actual point will always be smaller as any point's length/area/etc. touches the circle at more than one point.  So my first question was: how do you find out how big the actual point is?  The answer is that the point is abstract, so it has no measurable length/are/etc.  If that's so, and no amount of reduction of the size of the point will leave a place at which the two actually meet, how do we know they're actually touching to begin with?  If I nail a straight board onto the outer edge of a circular board, are they touching or is there an amount of space between the two? Is that space abstract as well?  And if points on a any grid (1d,2d,3d,4d) are merely abstract, that means we assign our own value onto them, and thus to all numbers and mathematical manipulations as well, leaving all calculations pointless.  Considering this and what you know of the progression of my philosophical thought (refer to: http://journals.aol.com/whsprdphsh/SaddestSong/entries/943); knowing that the questions posed by this problem are rendering a personal physically and metaphysically nihilistic (as in the belief that nothing has a real existence, not giving up all religious and moral beliefs) picture of the universe, I pose this question:   Is there any point to anything other than that which we assign ourselves?         I eagerly anticipate some responses.

whsprdphsh at 7:14:38 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 2 comments: Show Recent | Add your own