Child Abuse Healing Journey Journal

12:39:01 PM EST

Social Networking Sites Safer Than IM or Chat Rooms Little sexual solicitation, harassment occur on MySpace and Facebook, study finds FRIDAY, Feb. 1 (HealthDay News) -- While social networking Web sites such as MySpace and Facebook have been singled out as places where teens could face sexual harassment, most of the unwanted solicitation actually happens in chat rooms and via instant messaging, a new study finds. Even there, only 15 percent of children experience unwanted sexual solicitation and only a third report being harassed online, according to a new study in the February issue of Pediatrics. "There has been a recent concern about the risks posed by social networking to young people," said lead researcher Michele Ybarra, founder of Internet Solutions for Kids, a company that helps design safe Web sites for children. "But we found that instant messaging was more frequently cited than social networking sites as places for unwanted sexual solicitation and harassment," she said. "And chat rooms were more frequently cited than social networking sites." In the study, Ybarra's team collected data on 1,588 children aged 10 to 15 years old. In a survey, the children were asked about their online experiences over the past year. Among these children, 15 percent said they had an unwanted sexual solicitation. Only one-fourth of these occurred on a social networking site, Ybarra noted. In addition, 33 percent said they were harassed online. About one-fourth of the incidents occurred on a social networking site. However, 43 percent of unwanted sexual solicitations occurred via instant messaging, and 32 percent occurred in chat rooms. Harassment was most common with instant messaging, which accounted for 55 percent, the researchers found. Ybarra thinks that rather than focusing on the technology, the focus should be placed on the children themselves. "We need to stop worrying about social networking sites and pay more attention to what young people are doing online generally," she said. Parents have mistakenly thought that if their children aren't on a social networking site they are safe, and if they are on one, they are at risk, Ybarra said. "We need to stop trying to scare our kids. We need to start having real conversations," she said. "We need to help parents understand it's not about social networking sites, it's about monitoring what's going on," Ybarra said. "Just as you should know where your child is after school, you should know where they go online." One expert isn't sure that social networking sites are as safe as Ybarra's team found. "I am most concerned that they have surveyed kids who are younger than I would have expected, with only half of the survey population in the 13 to 15 age range," said Kimberly M. Thompson, director of the Kids Risk Project at the Harvard School of Public Health. MySpace and Facebook have age restrictions to prevent youths under ages 14 and 13 from using the sites,, Thompson said. "This means that many of the kids in the survey are theoretically prevented from exposure, and one interpretation of the author's findings is that setting an entry age is keeping many kids out of these sites," she said. "The authors downplay the role of social networking sites instead of recognizing that these are the newest form of online media opportunities, and hence, their use and uses are still growing as people adopt the technology," Thompson added. "I wonder what they would have found if they surveyed a slightly older population." The fear of social networking sites has lead one state to propose a law that would attempt to bar sex offenders from these sites. Recently, New York State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo drafted a bill mandating that e-mail addresses and screen names of registered sex offenders be reported to social networking sites. The bill would make it easier to stop sex offenders from using popular teen-oriented sites. It would also bar paroled sex offenders from social networking sites and ban online communication with minors. More information For more on teens and the Internet, visit the SafeTeens.com. February 1 2008 Copyright © 2008 ScoutNews, LLC. All rights reserved.

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5:29:39 PM EST
Feeling Hopeful

Self Blessing/Healing

Touch crown of head

Say: “Bless Me”

 

Touch between the eyes

Say: “Bless my sight to see my true path”

 

Touch throat

Say:  “Bless my throat that I may speak my truth in my own good time”

 

Touch chest

Say:  “Bless my heart that it be open to the higher power within me, and to positive energy from others”

 

Touch Solar Plexus – about 2 inches above navel

Say:  “Bless my solar plexus that I have the energy to live my life”

 

Touch belly – about 2 inches below navel

Say:  “Bless my belly that I may experience whole, healing acts of love and pleasure”

 

Touch base of spine

Say:  “Bless the base of my spine hat I may be grounded”

 

Touch hands

Say:  “Bless my hands that they do work which benefits myself and others”

 

Touch feet

Say:  “Bless my feet that they may walk in paths that are true”

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5:25:02 PM EST
Feeling Hopeful

Do you sweat at the thought of flying, giving a speech or even going to a party?

Join the club: Anxiety disorders — including specific phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorder and post-traumatic stress disorders — afflict 40 million Americans aged 18 and older (18% of that group), according to the 2005 National Co-Morbidity study, a mental health survey.

While fear is a natural (and practical) response to danger, phobias are exaggerated responses to situations that, in the cold light of day, aren't really all that dangerous. And yet they remain terribly difficult to overcome.

A big reason has to do with the way most people respond to fear — by avoiding it. Whether it's closed spaces or packed audiences, the more you duck those tough spots, the more you'll fear them.

"Catastrophic thoughts lead to fear, which leads to avoidance, which leads to more catastrophic thoughts," says Dr. Dennis Greenberger, psychologist and professor of clinical psychology at the University of California at Irvine. "It's a vicious cycle that exacerbates the fear over time."

One weapon is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a form of psychotherapy that involves changing behaviors and thoughts to overcome depression, self-loathing and fear. CBT proponents believe that bad feelings begin with bad thoughts; meet those head on, they say, and almost any fear can be tamed.

CBT has been around for decades but has become more popular among therapists in recent years. Unlike more traditional Freudian therapy, which is based on the notion that fear bubbles up from repressed childhood memories, CBT focuses on treating fears in the here and now by rewiring our perceptions of them.

One nice thing about CBT: no pills. Anti-anxiety drugs, most invented by Roche and mainly sold only on prescription, include various forms of benzodiazepines such as clonazepam, diazepam and lorazepam, as well as newer formulas like BuSpar and Xanax.

The trouble with taking pills is that, while they may alleviate anxiety for a short time, they don't really address the fear long term; worst case, they lead to dependency. The other problem, says Greenberger: Anti-anxiety medicines can limit the effectiveness of exposure-therapy (such as CBT) by altering the "phobic conditions."

Results from CBT can be speedy. Dr. Barbara Rothbaum, a psychologist at Emory University School of Medicine, says most phobias--even extreme ones--can be cured within several weeks or months. (As part of her treatment program, Rothbaum also uses virtual-reality computer technology to simulate real-life stressful scenarios.)

While you could shell out big bucks for a therapist to help you beat your fears, you can also give yourself a crash course in CBT.

The first step: drill down. You can't wrestle with fear if you don't understand what you are afraid of. Start asking some fundamental questions: What's the worst that can happen? What is the hard evidence that disaster will strike? How great will life look if I conquer this fear? This may sound easy, but when you're wracked with fear, even simple logic can be elusive.

Next: Line up your fears in order of acuteness. If you're claustrophobic, for example, perhaps taking a large and fast elevator is mildly frightening but sitting in a small room with no windows for 10 minutes is terrifying. List about 20 different situations and rank them from mildly annoying to downright debilitating.

Now comes the really scary part: putting yourself in all of those situations, starting with the easiest ones first and building up. Breathing exercises help, too.

Many therapists assign patients reading and often a workbook for charting their progress. For suggestions, check out the Anxiety Disorders of America Web site at www.adaa.org.

If y

Do you sweat at the thought of flying, giving a speech or even going to a party?

Join the club: Anxiety disorders — including specific phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorder and post-traumatic stress disorders — afflict 40 million Americans aged 18 and older (18% of that group), according to the 2005 National Co-Morbidity study, a mental health survey.

While fear is a natural (and practical) response to danger, phobias are exaggerated responses to situations that, in the cold light of day, aren't really all that dangerous. And yet they remain terribly difficult to overcome.

A big reason has to do with the way most people respond to fear — by avoiding it. Whether it's closed spaces or packed audiences, the more you duck those tough spots, the more you'll fear them.

"Catastrophic thoughts lead to fear, which leads to avoidance, which leads to more catastrophic thoughts," says Dr. Dennis Greenberger, psychologist and professor of clinical psychology at the University of California at Irvine. "It's a vicious cycle that exacerbates the fear over time."

One weapon is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a form of psychotherapy that involves changing behaviors and thoughts to overcome depression, self-loathing and fear. CBT proponents believe that bad feelings begin with bad thoughts; meet those head on, they say, and almost any fear can be tamed.

CBT has been around for decades but has become more popular among therapists in recent years. Unlike more traditional Freudian therapy, which is based on the notion that fear bubbles up from repressed childhood memories, CBT focuses on treating fears in the here and now by rewiring our perceptions of them.

One nice thing about CBT: no pills. Anti-anxiety drugs, most invented by Roche and mainly sold only on prescription, include various forms of benzodiazepines such as clonazepam, diazepam and lorazepam, as well as newer formulas like BuSpar and Xanax.

The trouble with taking pills is that, while they may alleviate anxiety for a short time, they don't really address the fear long term; worst case, they lead to dependency. The other problem, says Greenberger: Anti-anxiety medicines can limit the effectiveness of exposure-therapy (such as CBT) by altering the "phobic conditions."

Results from CBT can be speedy. Dr. Barbara Rothbaum, a psychologist at Emory University School of Medicine, says most phobias--even extreme ones--can be cured within several weeks or months. (As part of her treatment program, Rothbaum also uses virtual-reality computer technology to simulate real-life stressful scenarios.)

While you could shell out big bucks for a therapist to help you beat your fears, you can also give yourself a crash course in CBT.

The first step: drill down. You can't wrestle with fear if you don't understand what you are afraid of. Start asking some fundamental questions: What's the worst that can happen? What is the hard evidence that disaster will strike? How great will life look if I conquer this fear? This may sound easy, but when you're wracked with fear, even simple logic can be elusive.

Next: Line up your fears in order of acuteness. If you're claustrophobic, for example, perhaps taking a large and fast elevator is mildly frightening but sitting in a small room with no windows for 10 minutes is terrifying. List about 20 different situations and rank them from mildly annoying to downright debilitating.

Now comes the really scary part: putting yourself in all of those situations, starting with the easiest ones first and building up. Breathing exercises help, too.

Many therapists assign patients reading and often a workbook for charting their progress. For suggestions, check out the Anxiety Disorders of America Web site at www.adaa.org.

If you can, try tackling the items on your list for 10 to 30 minutes each day. Do that, says Greenberger, and you should see improvement within the month. If not, call in a pro.

Science notwithstanding, the CBT clan has one thing right: There's no need to make life scarier than it already is.

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21493594/ou can, try tackling the items on your list for 10 to 30 minutes each day. Do that, says Greenberger, and you should see improvement within the month. If not, call in a pro.

Science notwithstanding, the CBT clan has one thing right: There's no need to make life scarier than it already is.

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21493594/

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5:21:17 PM EST
Feeling Hopeful
Forgive me if I run a few minuted behind. I have class today and I'm not
sure when I will get out. Last week I was in class for over 5 hours so not
sure about this week..

The Child Abuse Healing Journey will meet Sunday's at 9 pm et, 8 ct, 7 mt, 6
pt in Women Wellness Please Join LilLadySis1024 and others as they gather
to chat about problems and solutions.

Please remember if you are suicidal to take advantage of the below resources


Warning Signs
The strongest and most disturbing signs are verbal - "I can't go on,"
Nothing matters any more" or even "I'm thinking of ending it all." Such
remarks should always be taken seriously.

Other common warning signs include:
Becoming depressed or withdrawn
Behaving recklessly
Getting affairs in order and giving away valued possessions
Showing a marked change in behavior, attitudes or appearance
Abusing drugs or alcohol
Suffering a major loss or life change

National Suicide Preventions Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
A National Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) The lines are open
24/7
Deaf Hotline 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)
Please do not feel ashamed or embarrassed of reaching out to a total
stranger. Sometimes it helps to do just that. You are an anonymous caller
and the police will not be out there to check on you unless you want them to


Email Support (answered within 24 hours)
http://www.befrienders.org/support/index.asp?PageURL=email.php


State By State Resources
http://www.befrienders.org/helplines/helplines.asp?c2=USA


Ways to help curve an panic/anxiety attack.
1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a
crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands in the cool running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of
serenity.


Please remember to be Kind to self. DO something nice for your self each and
every day.





Hugs, Tina
~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~
: My Home :
:~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~
Contact me:
: AOL: LilLadySis1024 : Yahoo: lilldysis :
: Email Me :
~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~::~

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5:16:32 PM EST
Feeling Frustrated
In a Bad Mood?

Been in a bad mood lately? Feeling down in the dumps? Maybe everything in your life was perfect. Then suddenly you got an unexpected bad grade on a test and feelings of anxiety, sadness or anger engulfed you like an extreme rogue wave. Relax. It’s okay. In most cases, you can chalk up the bad mood to being a normal teenager.

According to Ronald Fieve, MD, psychopharmacologist and professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia Presbyterian Medical Center in New York, teens have a lot going against them when it comes to their moods. “During adolescence, teens cope with tremendous change. The adolescent brain pours out stress hormones, sex hormones, and growth hormones, which, in turn, influence brain development.”

Along with the influx of raging hormones and body chemistry, teens also have to deal with both their maturing bodies and their changing environment, says Dr. Fieve. “Teens undergo bone growth, maturity of the body and sexual maturity. Adults no longer treat them as kids, even though many teens still feel like kids. Parents, teachers and employers may expect more out of them, which only increases the teenager’s stress level.” 

Dr. Fieve says that mood is a dominant aspect of life. “When we’re in great moods, it seems like nothing can go wrong. If something does go wrong, we cope with it. But what about when our mood goes sour? That’s when nothing can go right. Even positive events -- and people we love -- look dark when we’re in an irritable, sad, or angry mood.”

The Difference between a Bad Mood and a Mood Disorder

In his book, Bipolar II, Dr. Fieve explains that mood disorders are a large group of psychiatric conditions. Abnormal moods and physical disturbances -- like changes in eating habits, sleep patterns and body motion, either speeded up or slowed down -- dominate the picture.

While being in a bad mood or feeling low from time to time is normal, major depression needs medical treatment. This medical problem is usually recurrent, with repeated depressive episodes. “With major depression, a teenager feels in a depressed mood most of the day with little interest in normal activities,” Fieve says. “The teen might eat too much or too little, over- or under-sleep, feel fatigued and sluggish, feel hopeless and worthless, and have other serious symptoms.”

Blame Your Bad Mood on Adolescence

In a study published in March 2007 in Nature Neuroscience, researchers found that responses to stressful events are exaggerated during the teenage years. This exaggeration occurs because of a hormone response (called THP). In adults, THP reduces anxiety, helping the adult calm down after a stressful event. But in teenagers, the hormone actually increases anxiety. Anxiety and panic disorder, which are twice as likely in girls, first appear at adolescence. Suicide risk increases during the teenage years, too, as does the frequency of major depression.

How to Cope with Bad Moods

Parenting experts Margaret Sagarese and Charlene Giannetti come to the rescue with some practical, self-help tools for coping with teen bad moods. “Many teens are word-challenged when it comes to naming their moods. So we advise then to develop a ‘Feelings Dictionary,’ to help them understand their emotions.”

continued...

Sagarese and Gianetti, both parents, suggest making a list of “Up” words and “Down” words.  “Up” words include happy, accepted, peaceful, energetic, rested and excited. “Down” words include angry, sad, frustrated, afraid, insecure and embarrassed.

Along with understanding your feelings, the authors suggest walking away when you are in a nasty confrontation with someone else. “Not all situations need to result in a confrontation. The teen can simply walk away.”

You should also try to express your feelings in words, Gianetti says. “Even if you can’t verbalize your feelings to another person, you can write down what you’re feeling on paper and get rid of the emotion by disposing of the paper.”

Another way to cope with bad moods is to avoid people who bring you down, says Sagarese. “Whether it’s a classmate or a relative, teens can minimize time spent with people who bring about feelings of sadness, guilt or anger," she says. "Once you can understand what you’re truly feeling, you are better equipped to cope.”

For girls who suffer mood swings with PMS, Sagarese suggests they chart their menstrual cycles on a calendar and pay particular attention to emotional highs and lows. “Jot down when you cry at the drop of a hat or shriek at your Mom when she asks about your homework. Note energy bursts and creative highs, too. A girl who learns her moods and cycles can make adjustments . . . and apologies.”

When Should You See a Doctor?

So when should you check with a doctor about bad moods? Dr. Fieve advises that if you're so fatigued that you cannot get out of bed and feel “hopeless, helpless, and worthless” for two weeks, you or your parents should call a psychiatrist or psychologist and schedule an evaluation for you. If you don’t know whom to call, your primary care doctor can make a referral for you.

Medication is sometimes necessary to balance moods. Psychotherapy can also help someone develop appropriate, workable coping skills to deal with everyday stressors. Often, doctors will recommend both medication and therapy to help a teen get well.

Perhaps the most important factor in gaining control over bad moods is to check your lifestyle habits -- eat a well-balanced diet, get plenty of sleep, exercise daily, and de-stress in healthy ways that work for you. Try to think positive thoughts and surround yourself with friends who are optimistic and encouraging. Though you might have an occasional bad mood, chances are good that you will find your way out of it in time.

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5:12:55 PM EST
Feeling Worried
Bad Marriage, Bad Heart?

Oct. 8, 2007 -- Marriages and close friendships marked by negativity -- such as conflict and adverse exchanges -- boost the risk of heart disease, according to a new study.

"Those in a negative relationship were 34% more likely to have a coronary event in the 12 years of follow-up," says Roberto De Vogli, PhD, MPH, a researcher for the study, published in the Archives of Internal Medicine.

Even after taking into account other factors that could contribute to heart disease, such as depression, men and women with negative aspects in relationships still had a 25% increase in heart disease risk over the follow-up period, says De Vogli, an epidemiologist at University College London. "We found the effect is there not only for married people," he says, but also for unmarried people who have negative relationships with close friends.

Putting It in Perspective

In past research, De Vogli tells WebMD, many researchers have found that social relationships, including marriage, are associated with better health and less cardiovascular disease.  "The more friends, the better" has been the assumption.

Yet there were contradictory findings, he says, on the health benefits of social support and the limited protective effects of being married on heart disease risk among women.

"We expanded the debate [to be] about the quality of social relationships rather than the quantity," he says.

A Closer Look

De Vogli's team asked 9,011 British civil servants, on average in their mid-40s, to complete a questionnaire either between 1989 and 1990 or 1985 and 1988. They answered questions about up to four of their close personal relationships, but mostly about their primary relationship.

More than 64% listed their spouse as their primary relationship. "Others were close personal friends," De Vogli says of the unmarried respondents.

The questions asked about the amount of emotional and practical support respondents got from their relationships and about interactions. For instance, they were asked how much stress or worries the spouse or friend caused them in the past 12 months, how much talking to the person made situations seem worse, how much the respondent would have liked more practical help from the partner or friend, and how much more the person would have liked to confide in the partner or friend, among other questions.

During the follow-up period of about 12 years, heart disease was reported by 589 men and women of the 8,499 respondents who finished the questionnaires. None of the 8,499 respondents had any history of heart disease at the start of the study.

Those who had high negativity in their marriage or close friendship -- such as saying that talking to the partner or friend about problems made things seem worse -- were 34% more likely to have a heart problem compared with those with more positive interactions and low level of negativity. The increased risk dropped to 25% after taking into account other variables that could contribute to heart disease such as depression.

De Vogli didn't find an association between the level of practical support or emotional support and heart disease risk.

What's behind the bad marriage -- bad heart link? People may mentally "replay" the negative interactions, De Vogli and other researchers suspect. "It can activate emotional responses, including depression or hostility," he says, in turn boosting heart disease risk.  De Vogli found the association held for both men and women and for those in higher and lower social positions. More likely to have negative relationships, he did find, were those in lower-grade jobs. Negative close relationships were less likely in people who were never married.

Second Opinion

"It's an intriguing finding," says Robert Allan, PHD, a clinical assistant professor of psychology in psychiatry at New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell Medical Center. He reviewed the study for WebMD.

"In this study, they controlled for many variables [that could contribute to heart problems], including age, sex, marital status, high blood pressure, and diabetes," says Allan, an expert in the field of anger management with a specialty in coronary risk reduction. 

Overall, he says, the link De Vogli's team found between negative relationships and heart disease is not "huge." Still, "this is one study that adds to a significant database suggesting that negative effect is bad for both quality of life and for the heart."

It's a wake-up call to work on improving relationships as one way to improve cardiac health, says Allan.

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5:07:57 PM EST
Feeling Sad
Abuse Victims Viewed Differently
By ROBERT TANNER
Associated Press - October 21, 2007
www.baltimoresun.com/news/nationworld/nation/wire/sns-ap-teacher-abuse-gender,0,3355405.story


A 17-year-old girl in upstate New York is forced into sex by a male teacher. Instead of sympathy, the student gets harassed for causing trouble for a popular teacher, threatened and pushed around by other girls. Just six weeks before graduation, she quits school.

A 17-year-old boy in Colorado is seduced by his attractive female teacher. A neighbor tells the teen's mom it was a sexual conquest like "climbing Mt. Everest." He has to hide from the crush of media attention.

They are crimes and abuses, but often they're treated as entertainment. Girls are pressed into the role of seducer or naive victim. Boys are seen as studs.

Sexual misconduct by teachers is remarkably common in American schools, an Associated Press investigation found. But how Americans react to it is deeply split depending on the victim's gender.

"Hollywood, they think it's such a hot thing when a guy gets laid at a young age. I tell you, it's not a hot thing," said Jeff Pickthorn, who speaks from experience. He was 12 when he began having sex with his seventh-grade teacher, who was 24. "They say that guy's lucky. I say, no, he's not lucky at all."

At the time, Pickthorn might have agreed with them. For several months, he had sex with his teacher until his parents found out and the teacher was pressured to resign. It left him "with no boundaries," he says now at 54, his life marred by affairs, gambling, and ruined marriages.

The AP's survey of five years of state disciplinary actions against teachers found 2,570 educators were punished for sexual misconduct.

In the cases where the victim's gender was clear, the large proportion were female. Almost nine out of 10 of the offenders were male.

But the boys who are drawn into sexual relationships with their female teachers get an overwhelming amount of attention, especially when the woman is attractive. They're the subject of heavy news coverage, jokes from late-night TV comics, Web sites with photos, videos and more.

What's more likely to bedescribed as rape or sexual abuse when the victim is female turns into a "tryst" or a "sexual liaison" when the perpetrator is female and the victim is male.

"Prosecutors try hard not to treat these cases differently and not to apply any kind of double standard. But there are some very real double-standards in society that affect how these cases will be accepted by jurors and judges," said Michael Sinacore, an assistant state attorney in Tampa, Fla.

He prosecuted Debra Lafave, a former Florida middle school teacher who admitted to having sex with a 14-year-old male student. Public attention paid to the 25-year-old blond newlywed quickly went "off the charts," Sinacore said, after photos surfaced on the Internet of her on a motorcycle in a bikini.

"There's something wrong with making a celebrity out of someone accused of a sex crime," he said.

Ultimately, the victim's family sought to avoid a trial because of all the media attention. LaFave pleaded guilty to lewd and lascivious battery and got house arrest and probation.

The earlier case of Mary Kay Letourneau mesmerized tabloids and television. A married mother of four, she had two children by a student. She went to prison but later married the student, by then 21, after she got out.

Colorado high school teacher Carrie McCandless got 45 days behind bars for unlawful sexual contact with a 17-year-old male student. Not knowing the victim was her son, a friend remarked to the teen's mother that having sex with McCandless would be like "climbing Mt. Everest" for any boy.

In contrast, the case of teacher Kevin Poppleton in upstate New York got almost no media attention. His 17-year-old victim, identified as Amanda C. in state records, said Poppleton threatened to kill her if she talked and "other girls would scream and yell at her and push her around the locker room." His license was revoked.

Students are traumatized by abuse cases, communities shaken. Yet the public imagination seizes on the idea.

Look at the way pop culture presents teacher-student sex with a wink and a nod: the 1984 Van Halen song "Hot for Teacher"; the 1998 trash-noir movie "Wild Things" about a male high school teacher with two manipulative female students; this year's hit cable TV show "Entourage," in which one of the male characters brags about having sex with a high school teacher.

The roots run deep, at least to the medieval tale of Abelard and Heloise, a scholar who fathers a child with his beloved student.

Approving attitudes can even be found in the courts.

"It's just something between two people that clicked beyond the teacher-student relationship," a New Jersey judge said as he dismissed prison time for a teacher who admitted having sex with a 13-year-old student. "I really don't see the harm that was done and certainly society doesn't need to be worried."

Judge Bruce A. Gaeta was later reprimanded, but at least one academic report found that his view is common.

A 2004 University of Buffalo study gauged perceptions of teacher-student sex. It found that a female teacher with a male student was most often seen as a "normal part of growing up" and respondents were less likely to conclude that the teacher should lose her license. But male respondents, in marked contrast from women, were more likely to see positive aspects in these relationships and less likely to see long-term damage.

Psychologists who treat boys say they suffer doubly -- from the abuse itself, and from the view that they were lucky.

"A boy is likely, with a female teacher, to claim that it wasn't a problem, it wasn't molestation, it wasn't abuse, he wasn't hurt by it," said Richard Gartner, a New York psychologist and author of "Beyond Betrayal: Taking Charge of Your Life After Boyhood Sexual Abuse." Recognition of the damage doesn't usually occur until the man is in his 30s, 40s or later, he said.

That damage varies widely, depending on the victim's age, the abuse itself, the sexual orientation of the boy and of the abuser, Gartner said. Victims often report addictive behavior and compulsive disorders, from gambling to sex to substance abuse, he said.

Boy or girl, victims often end up with relationships framed in terms of power and control, not affection.

But boys' pain is overlooked. "In our society, we're socialized to think that men aren't victims, that that's the province of women," Gartner said. "To say that you are a victim and particularly a sexual victim, for many boys and men, is to say that you're not entirely a man."

AP National Writer Martha Irvine contributed to this report.

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5:05:43 PM EST
Feeling Worried


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7:10:08 PM EDT

I will be unable to host the CAHJ support chat tonight, I don't know if Tina is available to host.  If not, have a safe week...and we will meet next Sunday at 9:00 PM.

 

WLV Teddie

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7:07:15 PM EDT
Feeling Angry
Woman Sues Judge Over Language Restrictions Imposed in Sexual Assault Trial
The Associated Press - September 11, 2007
http://www.law.com/jsp/article.jsp?id=1189451732150

The accuser in a sexual assault case is suing a judge because he barred the word "rape" and other words from the trial.

The federal court complaint filed Thursday in U.S. District Court in Lincoln, Neb., claims Lancaster County District Judge Jeffre Cheuvront violated the accuser's First Amendment right to free speech by barring her from saying words including "rape," "victim" and "assailant" during the trial of Pamir Safi.

Safi, 34, was charged with first-degree sexual assault stemming from an encounter between him and Tory Bowen, 24, at his apartment the morning of Oct. 31, 2004.

Safi said he and Bowen, who met at a bar the night before, had consensual sex.

Bowen says she was too intoxicated to give consent.

In restricting language, Cheuvront said he was concerned that Safi's constitutional right to a fair trial might be jeopardized if witnesses were permitted to use the banned words in their testimony.

The language restrictions, which also barred the use of the words "sexual assault," were in effect for Safi's first trial, in November.

Bowen testified then for nearly 13 hours, and said the ban had a marked effect because she had to pause and make sure her words wouldn't violate the ban.

Cheuvront declared a mistrial after the jury deadlocked 7-5. He declared a second mistrial in July during jury selection, citing news coverage and public protests on behalf of Bowen.

Lancaster County prosecutors have said they plan to seek a third trial.

The Associated Press usually does not identify accusers in sex-assault cases, but Bowen has allowed her name to be used publicly because of the issue over the judge's language restrictions.

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