Depression Support Journal

Effective and Constructive Communication While Depressed

INTRODUCTION TO CONSTRUCTIVE COMMUNICATION
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THIS IS GOING TO FOCUS ON COMMUNICATING WITH
PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT DEPRESSED AND HOW THEY
CAN HELP YOU BETTER EXPRESS YOURSELF.
.
WE ALL STRUGGLE WITH A COMMUNICATION
BREAKDOWN AT TIMES.  HOW DOES THAT MAKE US FEEL?
ANGRY? FRUSTRATED? UNHEARD? UNABLE TO GET NEEDS MET?
.
BEING ABLE TO TALK IN A CLEAR AND CONSTRUCTIVE WAY
IS NOT UNCOMMON.  IN GENERAL, WOMEN TEND TO COMPLAIN
THAT MEN DO NOT OPEN UP ENOUGH, AND MEN COMPLAIN THE WOMEN DO NOT SAY WHAT THEY REALLY MEAN.  HAVE YOU FELT THAT WAY?  WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ABOUT IT?.
.
WHEN WE ARE DEPRESSED OR SOMEONE WE LOVE IS DEPRESSED,
COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS ARE EVEN MORE INTENSE.  IN FACT, THEY.
ARE AT THE CRUX OF HOW DEPRESSION CAN AFFECT RELATIONSHIPS.
.
WE ARE GOING TO LOOK AT SOME GENERAL GUIDELINES FOR EFFECTIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE COMMICATION.


.{5:secs}HOW TO COMMUNICATE CONSTRUCTIVELY:
.
THE FIRST STEP IS TO PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR OWN ROLE IN
CONVERSATION...
.
IF ASKED TO RECALL A RECENT CONVERSATION, MOST PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER MOST CLEARLY WHAT THE OTHER PERSON SAID OR DID.
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IT I S MUCH HARDER TO NOTICE ONE'S OWN CONTRIBUTION TO THE FLOW OF CONVERSATION.
.
WHAT YOU SAY OR DO HAS A BIG INFLUENCE ON HOW YOUR COMMUNICATION GOES WITH OTHER PEOPLE!!

HOW OFTEN DO YOU NOTICE THIS?  WHAT ARE SOME WAYS YOU CAN TAKE NOTICE?

GENERAL GUIDELINES FOR EFFECTIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE COMMUNICATION:
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1. MAKE TIME FOR COMMUNICATION.
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2. PAY ATTENTION TO NONVERBAL BEHAVIOR.
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3. BE SURE TO LISTEN.
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4. SPEAK CALMLY, CLEARLY, AND SLOWLY.
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5. DON'T TALK DOWN (GOES FOR BOTH THE NON DEPRESSED PERSON AND THE DEPRESSED PERSON).
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6. DON'T COME ON TOO STRONG...AGAIN FOR BOTH.
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7. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS DIRECTLY.

THE DO'S AND DON'TS OF CONSTRUCTIVE COMMUNICATION:
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DO'S:
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1. ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOU HAVE HEARD.
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2.  SHOW EMPATHY
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3.  BE DIRECT..HONESTY
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4.  TAKE YOUR SHARE OF THE RESPONSIBILITY...GOES FOR BOTH PARTIES.
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5.  USE HUMOR.
.............
DONT'S:
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THESE GO MORE FOR THE NOT DEPRESSED FRIEND OR PARTNER.
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1.  DON'T TALKE BEHIND THE PERSON'S BACK...WE GET HURT THAT WAY!!
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2.  DON'T NAME CALL...GOES FOR BOTH PARTIES
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3.  DON'T GENERALIZE....BE SPECIFIC.
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4. DON'T "KITCHEN SINK".....TOSS EVERYTHING INTO A DISCUSSION.
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5.  DON'T YELL OR SHOUT.
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COULD YOU ADD MORE TO THESES?  WHAT WOULD YOU ADD TO BOTH THE DO'S AND THE DON'TS?

GENDER DIFFERENCES AND COMMUNICATION:
.
EFFECTIVE WAYS TO COMMUNICATED WITH A DEPRESSED WOMAN:
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1.  TRY TO SHIFT YOUR THINKING AWAY FROM SOLVING HER PROBLEMS AND MORE TOWARDS UNDERSTANDING THEM.
.
.
2. ASK ABOUT HER EXPERIENCE OF DEPRESSION...HAVE YOU HAD THAT ASKED OF YOU?
.
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3.  SYMPATHIZE WITH HER PAIN.....DO YOU AGREE?  HOW WOULD THIS FEEL TO YOU?
.
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4. TELL HER ABOUT A TIME WHEN YOU FELT DOWN IN THE DUMPS....DOES THIS HELP YOU?
.
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5.  DON'T OFFER HER ADVICE OR SUGGESTIONS RIGHT AWAY.
.
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DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SPECIFICS ON TALKING WITH DEPRESSED WOMEN?.
.......
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EFFECTIVE WAYS TO COMMUNICATE WITH A DEPRESSED MAN:
.
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1.  DON'T EXPECT A DEPRESSED MAN TO TALK READILY ABOUT WHAT IS BOTHERING HIM.
.
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2. BE SENSITIVE TO HIS MALE EGO AND HOW IMPORTANT IT IS FOR HIM TO FEEL SELF-SUFFICIENT...DOES THIS GO FOR WOMEN ALSO?
.
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3.  IF HE CAN'T TALK EASILY ABOUT HIS FEELINGS, YOU MIGHT GIVE HIM MULTIPLE CHOICES TO DESCRIBE HOW HE FEELS.
.
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4.  SHARE YOUR EXPERIENCES.
.
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5.TRY TO ENGAGE IN SOME ACTIVE PROBLEM SOLVING.
.
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DO YOU AGREE WITH THESE?  WHAT ELSE MIGHT YOU ADD OR CHANGE

SOURCE:
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WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS DEPRESSED:  HOW TO HELP YOUR LOVED ONE WITHOUT LOSING YOURSELF....BY LAURA EPSTEIN ROSEN, PH.D AND XAVIER FRANCISCO AMADOR, PH.D. PAGES 115-133

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