The Gag Order

First and foremost, just got the awesome news that my friend has been certified "CANCER FREE"!!!

So relieved, so happy for her and her family, and I am grateful that she has had this burden lifted from her life...

Love ya, B!

On on to other things...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all of my friends who do what they do, every day, to give their children all they need to function and contribute to this world we live in...

Good job to all!!!

 

yakima127 at 11:31:59 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 8 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Work activities.

I usually stay out of the hoopla.  These people celebrate absolutely everyone's birthday with cake/snacks AND a card AND a "Happy Birthday" song.

I hate these little parties (even mine), as I hate singing in front of anyone.  So when I see a cake or cupcakes or any special treat sitting in the kitchen, I find things to do way far away from the kitchen at around noon that day, as I know what is going on.  I always sign the cards, however.  I am not THAT much of a party poop-head.

Also, many times I walk through the hospital to find the medical crew (when there are not client's, of course) are playing soccer, with a bag of dog treats (one time it was a Twinkie), or "wearing" towels all over their bodies, simulating different articles of clothing (the baby diaper being a favorite).  The other day, everytime they talked to each, they would end it by calling that person the name of a famous person.  It had to be a different famous person for every different exchange of words.  If it was a guy talking to a girl, he would actually say a male's name, and vice versa (as in, if a female tech was talking to a male tech, she would say something like "well, that is quite interesting, Faith Hill").  And we all know about the practical jokes they pull on a regualr basis.

Well, three days ago, I heard about "silly hat day."  Apparently it had been posted around the building for more than a week.

Yes, I wander around that place in such a fog, most of the time, that I failed to notice several little signs.

Oh well.  I figured I'd play along.

Especially given the fact that in parenthesis, on the bottom of each flyer, read:

"If you do not wear a silly hat, Dr. F. will send you out to the dumpster to find materials to make one..."

I thought he just might actually do it!  LOL!

Well, Thursday evening, before Ileft from work, Dr. F. himself stopped by the main boarding desk, and immediately tried to engage me in one of "those talks."

As usual, he ruffled my feathers, then proceeded to egg me on, until I got a wee bit pissy.  Okay, a WAY bit pissy.

The clincher was when he tried to say that the kind of fun one would experience joining in a "silly hat day" is much better than the kind of fun another would have playing a sport they love (softball, to be exact, since he knew I played, and loved it).

He had to add, that "silly hat day" would be fun, funny, relaxing, etc., something he would readily agree to do.  In contrast, he said that the "last thing I want to do after a long day at work, and worrying about life issues, would be to go home, put on a stupid uniform and then go 'play' a stupid game..."

Anyone need to ask how I reacted to that???

Don't bother wondering.

I got PISSED.

I told him he was "slamming" me directly, by pointing out how "stupid" the game I love is.

He back peddled and tried to say that he meant he looked stupid in a uniform.

Whatever.

So, as the other Dr. walked by, Dr. F says, "okay, how would Dr. C look in a uniform?"

I replied, "Now, HE could pull it off!"

Oh, quick to respond, he yells, "Hey, Dr. C.!  Jae says she would like it if you pulled off your uniform!"

Steam is now pouring from my ears, my face was red, and my fists were clenching, just itching to get around his "silly little neck."

I decided then and there that I would be protesting "silly hat day."

Went to work on "silly hat day", saw that ALL of my coworkers were participating, and felt a little bad.  There would be a judging at the end of the day, and as soon as I saw that Dr. F. was wearing a King's crown, I changed my mind.  I had not brought my hat, though...

Remembered I had a baseball cap in my car (of course I did).  So, my mind started creating the perfect hat...

Turned out, K.K. (the office manager's 6 month old chocolate lab puppy) inspired me.

K.K. spends a lot of time with me in the kennels as well as just following me around the entire building.  Seems if she is sleeping in reception, she jumps awake at the sound of my voice, no matter where I am, and she comes running.

Her Mommy always says, "K.K. just loves her Auntie Jae" and I tell her that K.K. only loves all the cookies (treats) I have stuffed in my pockets all day long.  I tell everyone that when K.K. sees me, she actually sees "The Chuckwagon."  LOL!

So, in honor of my K.K. and all the other kennel dogs, I cut out a "Science Diet" label from a sample pack of dog food, pinned it to the front of my cap to cover the M's emblem, pinned a little stuffed dog to the very top of the cap, then glued a handful of dog food onto the bill.  I wasn't done yet.  In the kennel room, when a dog is particularly hard to get back in their run, we take a dog treat and slather it with peanut butter.  Thus, "peanut butter cookies" as I call them...

I took several different sized dog treats, painted the back of them with peanut butter, and stuck them all over the hat.

I put the hat on my head.

I went into the main building, and as I walked through with laundry or paperwork or whatever, people would stare at me to figure out what the heck was all over my cap, and then bust out laughing!

And the dogs?  Even the CLIENT'S dogs were interested in that good smell permeating from my head!  LOL!

Everywhere I went, dogs would stick their nose in the air, and pull at their leashes in order to follow me.  Like the "pied piper", only "The Peanut Butter piper!"

Anyway, after the voting was complete, I was handed first prize for the silliest hat!

10 minutes, peanut butter, dog food, and treats earned me a TWENTY-FIVE dollar gift card from Starbuck's! 

Woo-hoo!

Go, Jae!

The UPS guy came in, saw all the hats, asked what was going on, and said to me, "I would definitely vote for yours!"

By this time, my head was getting hot, so the peanut butter was beginning to melt!

After the judging, I sat on the floor in reception, K.K. in my lap, and she ate all the "treats" off my head! 

And, yes, we DO get paid to have all this fun!!!

 

 

yakima127 at 10:52:58 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 5 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Was sitting here listening to the news.

A story began about a little girl, in a local elementary school, who took a big bite of her hamburger, but instead of swallowing it, started choking on it.  They interviewed some kids who were aware of or had actually witnessed the event (and we all know how excited kids get when they have "knowledge" of anything).  A couple said they had heard "someone was choking, and lots of people came to help".  One little girl said, "Lots of people were called and then Mrs. (so and so) came and did the "Heimlich Remover".  LMAO!!!!

I cracked up.  Thought about it then really cracked.  

One of those things that every time I think of it, I laugh again. Hard!

Had to share...

yakima127 at 10:10:35 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 6 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Very heart wrenching news from a friend...

She is now dealing with the horror of possibly having the worst kind of skin cancer, melanoma.

With a family history, it makes it even more probable that she is, indeed, facing an issue of this sort.

Not the most common of skin cancers, but the most dangerous.

And what makes it all worse, is that she is young.  And healthy.  And working toward a goal of being even healthier.  And has small children, one with special needs.  Although no one deserves to face/have cancer of any kind, it really makes you wonder why young, healthy people, who live a good, clean, lifestyle can get something like this.

Just goes to show that none of us are immune to that monstrous "C".  None of us.

B, I know when I had to deal with my own (lymphoma) diagnosis, which thankfully turned out to be a pseudo lymphoma, and not the real thing (that time, anyway) I functioned (during that time known as biopsy results wait), in a fog.  I looked things up on the Internet obsessively.  I researched the possible worst case scenarios, as well as the best.  I counted how old my children would be when they lost their mother (using the life expectancy in the worst case).  I cried.  I got angry.  I begged God to make it go away.  I wondered what I could possibly have done in my life that I should be punished for, in this way.   I asked the question, "How can this be happening to me?" over and over.

I spent almost two weeks like this.

Please, don't do this to yourself.  But, chances are, it is not even the "real thing".  And even if it is, your family history shows that it can be beat, when discovered early.  In fact, it is almost 100% CURABLE when found early.  By you having regular checks, it IS early.

And then all of the time and emotional energy you invest in the worry part, is simply time lost.

I know I would get so pissed off when someone would say this to me.  In retrospect, however, I realize they were right; and their words were spoken in love.

I know it is very hard to do.  But, please try to keep it out of the way of enjoying your kids, your man, your life.  I understand that it is a lonely place to be, with the possibility  of this horrid situation constantly on your mind.  How could it not be in the forefront of your mind, every minute of every day, right?

You were there for me when I had to face a battle with the Monster.  And I will be here for you.  Like SO many other people will.  You have impacted this community, in a positive way, for FOUR YEARS, girl.  Do you think we are going to let you down, now?

Ain't happenin'!

Love you, Boo and I am thinking about you everyday, hoping you can find a sliver of happiness in every waking moment.

"Head Up" young person!

 

yakima127 at 10:12:35 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 7 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

I have heard these things, many times...

"You think too much",

"You think too deep",

"You think things to death"

and my favorite,

"You over analyze things..."

Me. 

Illogical, emotion-driven Jae, over analyzes things!

LOL!

Okay regardless of whether or not I am truly analytical is beside the point.

Being emotionally analytical, if there is such a thing, is probably an accurate description of the real Jae, though.

I will admit, I do think things to death. 

That, I will own.

But, does anyone ever consider the reason for which I do this?

In relationships, fear is the primary motivator.

When someone has been "blind-sided" and thus devastated, as many times as I have, it is only natural to build a defense in which to avoid it happening, again.

My automatic defense to protect myself, is to watch for signs, and when I see them, I try to interpret what is "written between the lines" so to speak.  I feel those vibes; those nasty, unwelcome ripples of negative energy that smother me when "something is up."

I may not always figure out what that "something" is, but I almost ALWAYS know there is something there.

Decoding it is where I fail.

My family, my friends, even my supervisors and coworkers have had to admit, that, yes, I have a keen sense of my environment and the vibes I feel in any given situation are real.  I may ask, over and over, "what is going on?"  No matter how many times I am reassured that nothing is going on, I continue to press for an answer.  And because I "know" there is something going on, I get nervous.  I have to wonder if it has something to do with me.  Will it affect me negatively?  Do I need to be prepared for the worst?  Since I have proven this point of "feeling" something in the air, many times over, my "people" have now become accustomed to answering "It has nothing to do with you, don't worry" instead of "nothing is going on" because they KNOW that I KNOW the atmosphere in which I exist, at that moment, is riddled with negativity and signals which shout out to me, and make it hard to breathe that air in which they permeate.  I am unable to ignore them.  They will not go away, no matter how hard I try to push them away.  They will also 'fess up, immediately, to an issue that does have somthing to do with me. 

But, when someone says, "Nothing" as an answer to my query of "Is something wrong", I begin searching within myself for an answer.  I try to guess.  I almost always guess wrong, but because of my  past experiences, I have only negative answers inside of me to the negative feelings I am sensing around me, to rely on.

This is where "baggage" comes into play.

Emotional baggage. 

The absolute worst kind there is.

When someone gets frustrated with me, I, too, become frustrated, because they have no idea from where I come.  Very few have lived a life akin to the life I had with John.  After 8 years of emotional hell that was my life with him, I came out alive, but not completely intact (emotionally).  Therefore, I am now pushing around a Costco cart overloaded with tattered and torn baggage!  Only time will allow me to unload it all; to get rid of it; to leave it behind me, for good.

In the meantime, there are so many people I am going to come in contact with that will get frustrated with me, for lack of the ability to understand. Nothing against them by any means, but it is hard to communicate on the same level, emotionally.  When their frustration (and sometimes even anger) appears, I get frustrated, and scared and lonely.

I was just told this morning, "Don't over analyze everything.  Nothing is wrong."

Do I honestly believe that? 

Nope.

Do I want to believe that?

Hell, yes, I do!

I want to believe, more than anything, that whatever it is I am feeling is truly not about me, but about them.  Their life, their worries, their life struggles with either day to day, or long term life issues.

After all, who would WANT/CHOOSE to walk around this earth feeling crappy and insecure and suspicious of every good thing and every good person who exists in their world, like I do???

It is miserable, to say the least.

But, the key to unloading that overflowing cart is to stop being fearful, avoid overanalyzing, and to trust that good things can/will happen to me.  To trust the people who want to be with me and around me.  I just have to them all a chance.  Take another leap, offer up that "blind faith" especially for those who deserve my trust.

How am I going to do that?

Uh...

 Let me THINK about that for a bit...

 

 

yakima127 at 11:24:10 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 6 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Thursday's mail included some interesting things...

When I see an envelope from the medical clinic I go to, I have become accustomed to it being a letter from one of the many (transitional ) doctors I have seen there (I am one of those patients who will pretty much see anyone, not just my PCP) informing me they are leaving.

I have seen so many different doctors there in the last 6 months.

So, these two envelopes did not spark any excitement or wonder from me, initially.

Then, after thinking about it, I started wondering,  "who is leaving now"?

So I opened them.

I was a bit shocked by one, and kind of scared by the other.

Envelope number one contained a referral (the shocking one).  For an x-ray.  Of my heart.

HUH???

No one mentioned having any questions about my heart, even after I had that EKG when I experienced those two sudden episodes of extreme chest pain (which was later speculated to have been caused from my low potassium level).  I have determined I will call the clinic on Monday to clarify whether they actually sent the right letter to the wrong person, or the wrong letter to the right person...

Envelope number two contained something that did not really shock me, just made me think of something I didn't really want to think about ever again...

It was a referral (the kinda scary one) back to the U-Dub (University of Washington) dermatology department.  During my follow up exam with my clinic doctor last week, it was noted that the lump that was removed from my ear lobe almost two years ago has rejoined the ranks of Jae's body parts.

You see, if the diagnosis from that first investigation was correct (not an actual lymphoma, but a pseudo lymphoma) the lump should NOT have returned.

So, a little more stress has now been added to my already troubled stomach.

Guess I will have to (again) prepare for battle.

This sucks so bad!

Not my favorite issue to have to face.  But, I guess I gotta.

And just when I thought things were going well in my life...

Crapola...

 

yakima127 at 12:02:08 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 12 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Okay, so my last entry described how "talking" with our hands is pretty common.  Some of us do it much more than others.  I have been guilty of it for as long as I can remember!

In fact, I had a doctor once ask  me if I was Italian.  Puzzled I asked him why he would think that.  "You talk louder with your hands than with your voice!"

Another time, I was being treated for carpal tunnel syndrome.  I knew that this issue was much more prevalent in people who did things that required "repetitive motion" like computer keyboards and assembly work.  Since I was a stay-at-home mom, at the time, I just could not understand how I had developed this syndrome.  So I asked the doctor how I could have possibly gotten it.  Quick to answer, he said "From talking." 

SAME doctor, by the way...

Funny guy...

But my point here is not just that we use our hands to communicate.  There are other ways to tell someone what you want them to know, but don't really want to say...

Let's go back to the subject of MySpace.

We create this thing we call a "friends' list."  I am not quite sure what the rules are regarding the creation of this list.  I see some who have HUNDREDS of friends, and I wonder if they REALLY have that many friends, or if they are just in to collecting them, like baseball cards.  Invite anyone who you have found by "browsing" just to add as many as you can, yet never really corresponding with or getting to know all of them.

I was encouraged to make more "friends."  Most of us know how THAT turned out!  LOL!

Anyway, I have invited and been invited to be friends with a few.  A couple of which not only added me to their list, but continued to move me closer and closer to the top of the list, depending on what I did for them...

just kidding. 

I got moved as we became better and better friends, I swear!  LOL!

They were "telling" me that I was considered a better friend, I guess.

Well, it is amazing how fast you can drop down on a friends "friend list" when that friend is mad at you!  LOL!

Something happened last night that I had no control over.  Some text messages to me were being received by and responded to by somebody who had my phone and apparently the "conversation" was not so...

"friendly".

Somebody was having entirely too much fun getting the message across to someone else that I was seeing somebody new.

Well, I woke up this morning to find that I had been essentially "told off" by being bumped DOWN on that someone else's friends list.  I am sorry, but I find this hilarious!  Not a single word was exchanged, yet I totally got the message.

Now, I guess I will have to respond...

I wonder how far down someone is allowed to bump someone on their list in one single move?

LOL!

Anyone know the rules?

yakima127 at 12:11:22 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 8 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Here's your daily dose of boring...

One of the doctors at work was watching a coworker and I standing at our desk talking, from across the room.  He mosied over to us and said, "You know, I bet if we turned the sound down, we'd all still know exactly what you were talking about by just watching your hands..."

After that, I tried to keep my hands in my pockets, then behind my back, then laced at the fingers in front of me, to keep them still, to no avail.  Funny how when someone brings something to your attention, you notice it more, and then you just can't stop!

***********************************************************

Last I heard, Kara should be having her baby tomorrow!!!

I hope all goes well, and her beautiful baby girl comes into this world to meet her awesome family!

***********************************************************

New friend of mine celebrated his 41st birthday today (yes, I am finally playing with the boys my own age).  We had a lot of fun...

Happy Birthday, Jeff-y!

 

 

yakima127 at 3:47:16 AM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 9 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Looky what I found:

Comment from johnjjschmidt | Email johnjjschmidt
4/19/08 7:05 PM | Permalink

 

Seems I have finally joined the ranks of "the worst of the worst!"

That club that has drawn the attention of the biggest idiot ever to peruse the pages of AOL Journals...

Does he/she really think he/she told me something I didn't already know???

Simple and boring.  Thaaaaat's Me...!

What took you so long, dude?

P.S.

Can an inanimate object, like a journal, benefit from anything???  It may have been more logical to write, "AOL Journals would benefit from this journal being deleted" or something along those lines.

 

 

yakima127 at 1:22:15 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 13 comments: Show Recent | Add your own

Well, since I had a little more time yesterday than usual, I went on a little hunt in the laundry room...

Between the wall and the washer (just an itty bitty space), I found...

My Swiffer Duster, an open package of Pledge wipes (all dried up) and some SOCKS!  Lo and behold, there was a Downy Ball in all the lint, too!  Amazing the things you find in places you'd rather just ignore.

Today, life is good...

And I gotta do laundry!

(I am still trying to figure out how the heck it got there without me hearing it being flung from the wet laundry, hitting the wall and bouncing around down there...)

yakima127 at 3:06:53 PM EDT Permalink | Blog about this entry |  Add to del.icio.us |  digg this This entry has 8 comments: Show Recent | Add your own