Outside In

Monday, July 18, 2005 Back in October 1995 I met Kurt Vonnegut, one of my writing idols, who gave a great lecture about writing at The Arlington Street Church for the Boston Center for Adult Learning's 1st Annual Writers Festival.  He said that a writer should have a good proofreader to look at his/her work before sending out to an editor or a literary agent.

Getting feedback was always hard for me, especially after a job interview.  For some reason the interviewer didn't want to talk to me ever again or even send a rejection letter.  So it was hard to me to know what I was saying was appropriate or not. It's the same feeling I have with my writing.  Sometimes I'm not certain I'm writing something that's going to be misunderstood as offensive or whatever.

When I sometimes received criticism, it usually didn't make any sense.  For example, the person would say "You should know...." or "You already know..." but the truth was that I didn't know or just didn't understand why I should know that point that person was criticizing me about.  Sometimes I wondered if they were talking about me or someone else because what they were criticizing didn't sound like something I said, did or wrote.

I'm not sensitive to criticism because I have joined writers workshops and writers groups and had a good time being part of it.  I am even with a few writers forums on the Internet.  I haven't had any problems with receiving criticism.

Before I was diagnosed, I was sensitive to things people said to me because I couldn't tell whether or not they were being verbally abusive.  That's my only guess why a few people would think I was sensitive to criticism.  The truth was that I was emotionally abused a lot and it wrecked my self-esteem.  I've spent most of my adult life improving it.


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