FMAWG

"Federal Regulations prohibit the consumption of any alcoholic beverages you may have brought on board with you" - Airline announcement at start of flight.

I've heard this before.  Everytime I fly.  Just before they tell you that it costs $5 for beer, wine or spirits (exact change is greatly appreciated). Now I'm more interested in Starbucks coffee than Spanish Coffee at this point, and to be clear, I'm not packing a stainless steel flask that fits neatly into the breast pocket of my flight jacket...and it doens't have Jameson's Irish Whisky in it.  Honestly.  It's a morning flight ;-)  But as I hear this announcement I do have something in my carry-on luggage that is calling to me...tempting...irresistable like the call of a Siren.  Looking around, so no flight attendant or other airline crew member can see me (my heart racing, adrenaline pumping), I reach down to my the outer pocket of my laptop case and slide it out into my hand: a CDROM containing an electronic copy of the Federal Aviation Regulations and Aeronautical Information Manual (aka FAR/AIM).

So, "Federal Regulations prohibit" this do they?  Exactly which regulations?

"When I'm locked in my room; I just want to scream; and I know what they mean; Only the strong" - Midnight Oil: Only the Strong

Laptop open and booted.  CDROM inserted.  Adobe Acrobat autolaunches.  Select FAR [click].  Hunt on screen for the little binocular icon that means "search" [click].  Search panel opens on right side of screen.  Type in "Alcohol" [click, clack, clack, clack, clickity-clack, click].  Select "Search entire document". Search [click]

323 entries found.  A lot more booze in Aviation than I expected.

deicing...refusal of drug and alcohol test...lots of references to crew not getting a little happy before the flight...the "eight hour rule"...aha!  There it is.

121.575 Alcoholic Beverages.
(a) No person may drink any alcoholic beverage aboard an aircraft unless the certificate holder operating the aircraft has served that beverage to him.

So, I'm no lawyer (nor have I ever played one on TV) but it strikes me it's not who buys the drink but who serves it.  Perhaps all it takes is having one of the attractive (and highly trained) flight attendants drop by and pour.  I'd be willing to pay a corking fee to bring along a nice Merlot on my next flight instead of $5 for a random red in a plastic cup.  I'd even share with the people in my aisle.  I think an enlightened airline would do this.  And it's all margin.  No cost of goods sold for a corking fee.  Maybe if the airlines ever face bankrupcy they'll consider such measures.

Now this is not really about the therapy I so clearly need...it's about how ready access to information fundamentally changes how I/we accept what we hear in everyday life.  If I didn't have the means at my disposal to test this, I'd probably never have questioned the airline announcement (they are wearing a uniform afterall).  It's not just that I happened to be endowed with the CDROM in question...the FAR/AIM is also available online.  I could have searched online for this answer...but for the fact that the same announcement prohibits the use of electronic devices with radios "as their operation may interfere with navigational instruments".  So even if there were WiFi or EVDO at the flight levels, I have the radio off in my laptop (conserving power...making that battery last).  Luckily I'm not the type to look for conspiracies...

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